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Do you feel like you should be happier than you are?

Do you feel like you should be happier than you are?

Hi, my name is Deise, pronounced “Daisy” like the flower – and that was me, 100%.

Shortly after I became a mom, I quit working in public accounting so that I could be home with my kids.  My husband made more than enough to support us on one income. We had a beautiful home, and we lived in an amazing community with great friends.

And yet?

I just didn’t feel as happy as I thought I should.

  • I had friends but still felt painfully lonely.
  • I loved being home with my kids but also felt totally inadequate as a mom. My brain was hyper aware of all the ways I was failing them and just not measuring up.
  • On the outside, my husband and I seemed like we were on good terms - but inside I was often angry and frustrated with him. Resentful even, though I didn’t realize it at the time. I had the biggest “he doesn’t care” story ever, and I felt like he wasn’t interested in working together to improve our marriage. I felt like we were anything but a team, and it seemed like he was the reason why.
  • I was totally overwhelmed with managing a household. Consistency was not my strength… and it showed. No matter how much I did, it was never enough. And when I did get things done, it was often while feeling angry or frustrated with my husband.
  • I was exhausted. Before becoming a mom, I wasn’t very good at taking care of myself. Sleep was easily sacrificed, I hated exercise of any kind, and for the longest time, I had no idea what it really meant to eat “healthy.” After becoming a mom, a lot of my poor habits from before kids compounded and became bigger issues. Staying up late doesn't work so well when you are also getting up multiple times a night for your baby, and then waking early when kids get up. And my lack of physical activity resulted in some serious back issues between my 1st and 2nd child.

I was in an emotionally painful place and, more than anything, I just wanted to be a happy wife with a happy life. And not just for my own sake - but especially for my kids.

More than anything, I wanted my kids to have a happy family… a family filled with love and joy and connection… a family with tightly connected parents who “had it together.”

Not a family with all this stress and mess and anger and frustration.

Have you ever felt this way?!

I get it. I really do.

What I didn’t realize at the time was how much my identity as a proud perfectionist was holding me back and creating unnecessary suffering for me in my life… effectively making me even less happy.

I was completely unaware that I had a lot of expectations for myself and others in my life that were totally unrealistic (and not helping anyone!).

I didn’t realize just how dependent I was on other people for love.

And I had no idea how hard I was being on myself.  (I would have told you that I loved who I was. It wasn’t until later that I discovered how much I really didn’t love or accept myself for who I was.)

All I knew was that I was secretly miserable and something had to change.

In my quest to find answers, I read a book that was a real wake up call for me.

Here I was, spending all this time and energy trying to get my husband to change… because I thought he was the problem… when this book raised my awareness around my contribution to our problems (which had previously escaped my attention).

And, let me tell you, my brain did NOT want to go there.

I still remember quite vividly all the anger and frustration that came up as I was reading, while practically screaming inside my head, “NO!  I am not the problem. HE IS THE PROBLEM!!”

But, I kept reading.  And I came to see that I was part of the problem, more so than I really wanted to admit.

I saw that I had my own work to do, and that day, my focus shifted to ME.

Several years have passed since that time, and while there are many things I have learned that have changed the trajectory of my life, here is what I want you to know:

There is no problem that is out of your control or dependent on someone else to change.

You have the power.

You are capable of so much more than you realize.

You don’t need to change anyone but you.

If you’re where I was, this may not be what you want to hear.  But let me tell you – this truly is the best news ever, because you are the only person you can actually control.  

Changing yourself is hard enough.  Getting someone else to change? WAY harder.  Plus, as humans, we tend not to really like it when other people try to change us or control us.

When you change, everything else changes, too.  Though, when that happens, you no longer need it to change in the way you think you do now.

It’s fascinating how this works.  And it’s magic.

The one thing that has helped me make changes faster than anything else is life coaching, because it has helped me understand exactly how my thoughts create my results.

“Change your thinking, change your life.”

That is the secret to creating a life you love to live, and there is a very simple formula for how this works.

Bottom line?

When we feel stuck in finding solutions to our problems, it is usually because we’re trying to solve for something that isn’t actually the problem. Then, we add more suffering to our misery by thinking something must be wrong with us. We fear we’re not “normal.”

But nothing is wrong with us.  Ever. That’s always a lie.

We’re just trying to solve something that isn’t actually the problem.  Like trying to solve for “x” in a math problem where there is no “x.”  

It just doesn’t work, no matter how hard we try.  There’s no need to beat ourselves up for it.

This seems obvious, but in life, it can be really hard to navigate this on our own.  In our own minds, it can be hard to see the forest for the trees. This is true for all humans – even coaches.  Which is why coaches need coaches like doctors need doctors.

Getting outside perspective helps us see things in a new way and move forward out of "stuck."

And this is where I come in.  🙂

I’m a life coach, certified through the renowned Life Coach School.  

I've been trained to help you identify the real cause of your problems, so you can spend your time solving your actual problems, make the changes you actually want to make, and have the changes you make last.

I can help you identify where perfectionism is holding you back in your life and then help you let it go.

I can help you curb the addiction to fresh starts and tomorrow thinking.

I can help you break the chains of self-criticism and understand what it means to take care of yourself.

I can teach you how to identify what you need, so you can take care of your own needs and not have to feel so dependent on others to make you feel happy and loved.

I can help you transform your relationship with your husband.

I can help you enjoy relaxing even when things aren’t “done.”

And I can help you reduce the stress/pressure, overwhelm, and mom guilt in your life so that you have more time for love, joy, and connection.

 

Because, if you’re like me, those are the things that really matter to you – and those are the things that somehow seem to be the most lacking – even though you identify as a kind and loving person. There’s a disconnect in there, and you need help figuring out what it is.

I can help you figure out the disconnect, 100%. Because I've been there, and now that I've figured out what really works, I want to share it with everyone I know.

I want to help you find your own version of happiness as a mom so you can create a better experience of motherhood for yourself, living a life that’s better than perfect.

In a word, the reason I coach is because of love.

I love helping moms solve “love” problems of every kind.  I love helping moms FEEL more love. And I love helping to create a world where there is more love (and joy!).

I love working with moms who want to do this work, because they are like are me!  They love their kids, they’re passionate about their families, and they value growing themselves and making a difference in the world.  And, when they learn the tools I teach and practice building the associated skills, they turn around and teach that to their kids, impacting not just themselves and their families, but generations.  Moms are amazing!!

The work I do is all about helping moms learn these tools and build these skills. It's about helping them get clarity around what it is that they really want and then helping them understand how they can create that without needing to change anyone or anything else, and without the desire for perfection getting in the way.

Yes, this is possible.

This is the magic of coaching and taking responsibility for everything in our lives.  And it’s a practice. It’s work we do 1:1, in a private coaching setting, on a weekly basis – so we can apply the tools specifically to your current and ongoing life experiences.

We’ll talk more about perfectionism and what it’s really all about.  But for now, know this…

Perfectionism is always a lie.

It doesn’t get us what we really want.  Quite the opposite actually – because it’s based in fear, not love.

We get more of what we really want in life when we let go of perfectionism.

Are you read to create more of what you really want in your life?