Marriage Workshop / Coaching Event Replay: “He’s Irresponsible”

This is a replay from the first marriage workshop I did a few weeks ago (shared with attendee permission, of course!).  

Much of this is more like a coaching session, which is great so you can watch to get a feel for my coaching style and also hopefully take away a lot of great tips and tools to help you start improving your relationships NOW.

In this particular situation, we talk about an example where a friend of mine felt irritated because her husband didn’t put their kids to bed when she wanted him to, and more specifically, we dive into her thought that this meant he was irresponsible.

Have you ever felt this way?!

If so, you are not alone.  

Tune in to hear more – and while you are at it, be sure to check out the example worksheet included below (it’s free) that follows along with the video – so much value there!!

Enjoy!!

💕 Deise

P.S. Looking to work with a coach to create a better marriage without having to change your partner first?! 

Message me and let’s chat.  

WATCH NOW

Be sure to check out the example worksheet included below (it’s free) that follows along with this video – so much value there!!

Love this?  Be sure to subscribe on YouTube. Would love your help getting to 100 subscribers so I can get a customized URL for my channel! 😉

LISTEN IN

Subscribe: YouTube | SoundCloud

WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER

  • What we think happens in relationships vs. what actually happens.
  • How having expectations and tying our response to the other person’s behavior affects us.
  • How our judgments of others tend to be a projection and reflect back in our own behavior
  • Ways to see our version of the story as just the story our brain is telling vs. the factual reality.
  • How to create a more intentional result when desired and cultivate a better relationship with our partners.
  • How it only takes ONE person to change a relationship (we can change our marriage relationships without having to change our partners first!)
  • And more!

EXAMPLE WORKSHEET

Example Worksheet: Google Drive Document

ENGAGE ON FACEBOOK

COME TO ONE OF MY EVENTS

Looking for a casual, safe place to learn more, apply what is taught here, and ask questions?  

Check out my Facebook Events page for upcoming free workshops.  Would love to see you there!

COACH WITH ME

Looking to take your relationship to the next level and curious what it would be like to have me as your coach?

Click here to setup a time to discuss what coaching with me would be like and we’ll get all of your questions answered.

There are no strings attached, and there is no pressure to work with me.  

This call will be well worth your time, no matter what you decide.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

“We Should Go to Bed at the Same Time”

A manual is anytime we have expectations of the other person and we are tying how we feel to what they do (or don’t do).

We think their behavior determines how we feel and want them to behave a certain way so we can feel happy and loved.

At the same time, we often don’t tell the other person what’s in our manual – thinking they should know and we shouldn’t have to ask – or we don’t even realize we have this manual for them in the first place.

It may seem justified to have expectations of other people, but it can be very damaging when our emotional happiness is directly tied to their behaving a certain way. We think we would be happier if someone else behaved a different way, but this isn’t the truth.

“Other people’s behavior has no impact on us emotionally until we think about it, interpret it, and choose to make it mean something. No matter what people do, how they act, or what they say, we don’t have to give others power to determine how we feel.” TLCS

When you subscribe to manuals, you put your emotions in the hands of others. And if those people don’t follow the manual (which they usually don’t!), then you are guaranteed to feel terrible. You then unknowingly blame the other person for how you feel, giving away control of your emotional life to someone else and cementing your own sense of powerlessness.

Relationships improve dramatically when we get rid of our manuals. This doesn’t mean we don’t make requests or otherwise create what we want. It just means we don’t tie our emotions to what they do or don’t do. We ask without an emotional price to pay.

“You’ll find your that your life is enhanced by being around people who genuinely do things they want to do rather than doing things because you’re emotionally manipulating them. If you’re willing to give it a try, you’ll find that this changes everything.” TLCS

Tune in to discover what this looks like in a specific example: “We should go to bed at the same time” and what it might look like instead, as well as how this can allow you to increase connection, understanding, and intimacy within your relationship.

💕 Deise

P.S. Looking to work with a coach to create a better marriage without having to change your partner first?! 

Message me and let’s chat. 🔥💜 

WATCH NOW

Love this?  Be sure to subscribe on YouTube. Would love your help getting to 100 subscribers so I can get a customized URL for my channel! 😉

LISTEN IN

Subscribe: YouTube | SoundCloud

WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER

  • How we have expectations we don’t even realize we have.
  • How our expectations affect not only our relationship with our spouse but also our relationship with ourselves.
  • How our expectations can cause a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering in our lives.
  • What a manual is.
  • Why we don’t want to tie our emotions to someone else’s behavior.
  • The trouble with justifying our behavior.
  • Why we tend to keep our expectations even when nothing changes time after time.
  • Why it’s easier to blame than to change.
  • The importance of seeing the model we are in and deciding on purpose if it is helping us or not.
  • How it is FOR US to be “the one to change.”
  • The magic of curiosity.
  • The importance of tone.
  • The value in being able to see your thoughts as a story vs. THE facts.
  • How to get your power back.
  • The impact that can happen when making even just one mental shift.
  • An important question to ponder.
  • And more!

TRANSCRIPT (WITH SCREEN SHOTS)

Transcript (with Screen Shots): Google Drive Document

ENGAGE ON FACEBOOK

COME TO ONE OF MY EVENTS

Looking for a casual, safe place to learn more, apply what is taught here, and ask questions?  

Check out my Facebook Events page for upcoming free workshops.  Would love to see you there!

COACH WITH ME

Looking to take your relationship to the next level and curious what it would be like to have me as your coach?

Click here to setup a time to discuss what coaching with me would be like.

Even if we don’t decide to work together, you’ll gain valuable insight just from talking with me.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

Relationships Are Thoughts

We think our relationships are dependent on how someone else behaves, but really, our relationship with someone is dependent on our expectations of them and how well we think they meet our expectations.

“We have so many rules for our relationships that we have stopped experiencing them and are locked into our expectations of how these relationships should be instead.” Brooke Castillo

Ultimately, the relationship we experience with another person is simply the thoughts we have about that other person.  This affects how *we* feel in the relationship and how *we* show up in the relationship.  

If we want to improve our relationships, it’s imperative we shift our focus from what we can’t control (the other person) to what we can control (ourselves) and raise awareness around how our thoughts about the other person are affecting the way WE show up in the relationship.  

Then, we get to decide on purpose if that is how we want to keep showing up or not, regardless of what the other person does or doesn’t do.

Doing this work helps us move from what is known as “emotional childhood” into “emotional adulthood” – taking responsibility for what is ours and leading in our own lives.  Of course, this up-levels the quality of our relationships and overall life experience, too.

Tune in below to learn more!

💕 Deise

 

P.S. Looking for a casual, safe place to learn more, apply what is taught here, and ask questions?  

Check out my Facebook Events page for upcoming free workshops.  Would love to see you there!

WATCH NOW

LISTEN IN

Subscribe: YouTube | SoundCloud

WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER

  • What a relationship is.
  • What gets between two people in a relationship.
  • The difference between what we can control and what we can’t control in a relationship.
  • What we think creates how we feel in relationships vs. what actually creates how we feel in our relationships.
  • Why we end up trying to control the other person’s behavior.
  • What relationships are dependent on and why that’s the best news ever.
  • How one person has the power to change any relationship.
  • Why we don’t have to depend on our partner to meet our needs and desires for us to feel the way we want to feel.
  • What actually happens when we withhold love.
  • Examples of what can happen for *us* when we think the other person doesn’t care / when we don’t see ourselves as equal.
  • The importance of meeting ourselves with curiosity and compassion.
  • Where to go from here.
  • And more!

TRANSCRIPT (WITH SCREEN SHOTS)

Transcript (with Screen Shots): Google Drive Document

ENGAGE ON FACEBOOK

COACH WITH ME

Looking to take your personal growth to the next level and curious what it would be like to have me as your coach?

Click here to setup a time to discuss what coaching with me would be like.

Even if we don’t decide to work together, you’ll gain valuable insight just from talking with me.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

You’re Already Her

One thing I’ve always wanted??

To be more flexible.

I remember back to like the 5th or 6th grade when they would have us do those presidential tests or whatever they were called in PE. (Anyone else know what I’m talking about?!?)

You know – where they had you do a series of different tests and then you got a ribbon or award or something depending on where you fell in the numbers… I seem to recall blue was the best?? But it is all very vague in my memory and I may, in fact, have all of the details completely wrong. 😆😂

What I do remember quite clearly, though, is how I felt the first time I DIDN’T get the highest level award for my fitness.

I remember the toe touching stretch… me sitting on the ground in front of the box with the ruler on it, with my legs stretched out in front of me and leaning forward with my hands to see how far up the ruler I could reach.

And I remember that no matter how hard I tried or how hard I pushed, I couldn’t reach the required mark on the ruler.

I remember, too, the first time I couldn’t do all the pull-ups or climb the rope and touch the knot at the top.

I remember the embarrassment I felt with peers watching and all the shame and disappointment around “not good enough.”

And I remember taking on the beliefs of “not flexible,” “not strong,” and “not athletic” from that point forward.

Like as if these were character traits – ones that made me “less than” – and not a changeable thing. 😆

Like “Hi, My name is Deise. I have brown eyes and I’m not flexible.”

But that IS how I saw it. And, as a result, dreaded PE classes and limited my involvement in sports and physical activity as much as possible. Volleyball and clogging were the only exceptions. But even those were filled with lots of stress and anxiety.

f course, limiting my involvement led to less flexibility, less strength, and less athletic ability… eventually culminating in major lower back issues near the end of my first pregnancy and beyond. 😆

That’s how self fulfilling prophecy works.

I still don’t identify with these words as the primary descriptors for me. And what’s amazing is even when I was really active in Beachbody coaching and really fitting that “mold” even more, I still didn’t see myself this way. I was more fit and strong and flexible and athletic than I’ve ever been (and still am pretty fit!). But rather than seeing myself as strong, fit, flexible, and athletic, you know where my brain went??

“You’re a fraud.”

“You’re a fraud because you look like all these things, but you’re really not.”

“You’re deceiving people.”

Thoughts like these are why most changes don’t last. Because we change the actions and the outside appearance, but without a change in the underlying belief system about ourselves and who we are as a person, it’s mentally too uncomfortable to stay there.

Something has to give.

Either the actions have to give to align with the original beliefs about self (hello self-sabotage!), or the beliefs about self have to shift to align with the new actions / results / perception of reality.

What I know now is that these thoughts are just a sign of cognitive dissonance, meaning there are sets of beliefs in the brain that contradict each other.

What I’m playing with in my mind, too, is that perhaps it is also that one set of beliefs has been claimed, but the other has not…

The idea of duality in all things… that idea we are everything and nothing all at once.

The idea that you can’t have strength without weakness, or weakness without strength. Two sides of the same coin.

The idea that you can’t have good without bad or lightness without darkness.

I actually find it really empowering sometimes to believe BOTH, in a way that neither are triggering.

The issue isn’t that I’m not strong or flexible or athletic.

The issue is that I have a tendency to claim the ways that I am NOT all of those, while also having a tendency to deny the ways I AM all of those.

Because I think I am NOT by default… believing anything else will feel “fradulent” at first and my brain will want to self sabotage back to what I already believe about myself on default.

Where this really got me was when I thought about my sisters who played sports in high school. No matter what they do or don’t do, they will always be “athletic” in my mind. 🧐🤨🤔

Fascinating, right??

Identifying myself as strong and fit and flexible and athletic and active – ultimately that is a mindset shift – and it STARTS with claiming the ways that I ALREADY AM and have been those things all along.

This is something I’ve been working on since January of this year, when I first noticed (or perhaps re-noticed?) some of the underlying beliefs I had about myself.

And before changing a thing… I started to shift my mindset just by starting to notice and claim and own the ways I ALREADY WAS the way I wanted to be.

This squat in the picture included with this post… one could make it mean that I am flexible… or that I am not so flexible… depending on who or what you compare to. (It is for sure a stretch for me to get here and I can’t maintain balance for more than a few seconds before I tip over. LOL.)

I am flexible. And I am not. It’s really easy for me to claim the latter. And I’m in the process of really claiming and owning the former. 😉

Whatever it is you want to see more of in yourself – start first with seeing the ways that you ALREADY ARE it.

You are already her.

Reclaim it and own it.

And then keep building more evidence for it, little by little, day by day…

Until one day you wake up, and you notice it just IS how you think about yourself on default.

💕 Deise

COACH WITH ME

Looking to take your personal growth to the next level and curious what it would be like to have me as your coach?

Click here to setup a time to discuss what coaching with me would be like.

Even if we don’t decide to work together, you’ll gain valuable insight just from talking with me.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

“Your Only Job Is to Get Really Clear About What You Want”

I went to an event earlier this month that touched me in a really powerful way.

It was a networking event, and another life coach spoke on setting goals and putting plans into action.

My biggest take-away from her speech was this:

YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO GET REALLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.

It was a such a good reminder to me about how simple it is to create a life we love – as simple as asking ourselves “What do I want?” and “What would I love?!” and then coming from that place as we move forward and take action in our lives.

Of course, just because something is simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.

If you identify as a people pleaser and perfectionist, chances are that you tend to experience a lot of guilt and shame when it comes to wanting.

It wasn’t always this way, of course.

As kids, we all lived with our hearts wide open. We knew what we wanted and we communicated that, though perhaps not always in a way preferred by the adults in our lives. 😉 Lol.

But then, as time went on, we adopted beliefs, fears, culture, experience, and so on that got in the way of wanting being easy for us.

Here’s some examples of things we may believe about wanting:

1️⃣ Wanting is scary. There’s no guarantee I’ll get what I want or be able to make it happen.

2️⃣ I shouldn’t want.

… Wanting is “selfish.”

… Wanting is indulgent or “childish.”

… Wanting is ungrateful. I should be more grateful for what I have.

3️⃣ If I want something, I need to be able to justify it somehow.

4️⃣ I never get what I want.

5️⃣ I don’t know what I want.

These limiting beliefs can keep us from wanting or make it hard for us to want.

When we clear out the beliefs we have about wanting that aren’t helping us, we open the door for being able to want more, which leads to us creating more of what we want in our lives. And who doesn’t want that?!

This process also helps us connect more with ourselves and our own hearts. In my opinion, that’s all any of us really wants, anyways. Everything comes back to how we feel.

But I digress.

For now, I want you to take away just one simple thing – and that is this…

“An important part of having what we want is knowing what we want and learning to want. Wanting is the magic!!” – Molly Claire

Let’s repeat that last bit…

WANTING is the magic.

When we create our lives from a place of being grounded and centered in what we truly want – that’s when we have alignment and steady momentum to move us forward.

That’s when we create what we WANT in our lives.

I can’t wait to share more with you on this topic. Until then, notice how you feel about wanting.

What comes up for you?

I’d love to hear.

💕 Deise

Do you struggle with wanting? With knowing what you want, or doing what you want, or feeling like you should or shouldn’t want this or that?

I know the struggle. My brain on default leans toward perfectionist and people pleasing mindsets that having me doing things I think I should want… and then beating myself up for not doing them. Which is why it is so important for me to be the watcher of my brain and decide on purpose who I want to be and how I want to show up in my life.

Coaching has transformed my life because I have tools (and coaches!!) to support me in getting clarity about what I want, to connect with myself more – my own heart and my own voice, and to unpack all the guilt and shame that gets in the way of me being able to align with and do what it is that I really want to do. To want what I want and really give myself permission to be all in on that.

I LITERALLY physically made myself sick last year working through some of these mindsets. I was sick more last year than I have been in YEARS before that. It was not always easy. But dang, was it worth it. My growth has been explosive the past year (and even just the past month!!).

I love my life so much more than I even did before.

Course that doesn’t mean I love every little thing in my life 100%. But I keep raising the water level of where my average vibe lies.

Working with coaches I love has made all the difference. I get coached at a minimum of twice a week (sometimes more!!) and I do my own coaching.

I used to think change takes forever… turns out that was only the only case when I believed I needed to be able to figure it out all on my own… too ashamed to ask for help. 

Having outside, loving perspective is powerful.

If you relate to any of this, please know that you do not need to figure it out all on your own.

Your “secrets” are not shameful, and neither are you. And, it is SO. MUCH. MORE. FUN. to make the changes you want when you don’t have to do it all alone and when you are working with a coach (or two!) you love (or any other person you choose to help support you!!).

Would you love to work with me?!

Chances are I’d love to work with you, too. 😉

There is no way to no for sure if we’re a fit without getting on a call to talk about what you want and how I can help you – and answer any questions you have.

Take the first step. Move through that fear. Give yourself the gift of support beyond yourself.

All the love and joy you crave starts in creating a magnetic relationship with YOURSELF.

Of course, it doesn’t end there. The more you trust you have your own back and know that nobody can hurt you emotionally but you… the more you realize you can handle any emotion… the more you LOVE being in your own body… the more you are willing to put yourself out there to do the “scary” things, and the more you can open your heart to the world and express yourself in the way you most deeply desire.

Start with YOU. So you can connect with and follow your own heart. Whatever that looks like for YOU.

“It takes courage to grow up and be who you REALLY are.” E.E. Cummings.

That’s been one of my favorite quotes for years.

We’re always going to have fears. Courage helps us move through them and act from what we WANT instead of from what we fear.

And, when we act from what we WANT… we create what we want.

It feels like magic, but it’s not. 😉

When you’re ready, book a free consult here: bookme.name/coachingwithdeise/free-consult.

See you there!!

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Broken?

I’ve been thinking lately about the idea of wholeness… in part because of a book I started reading (“The Soul of Money”) and in part because of this quote, “We’re all broken; that’s how the light gets in.”

I used to love that quote… back when I believed I was broken.

Now?

Now it doesn’t sit well with me.

It doesn’t serve me to believe I’m broken.

So, here’s what I choose to believe instead…

That we are all whole.

That not even one person is broken.

That the light doesn’t need to get in… because it is always already WITHIN.

And we don’t need to be broken for the light to get out, either.

The more connected we are to ourselves, the brighter the light just GLOWS.

From the INSIDE out.

It lights us up and has us experiencing our lives more and more with that sense of wholeness that we ALREADY are.

As the light glows brighter, it is naturally shared with others.

Feeling broken doesn’t mean we are actually broken. It simply means we aren’t connected to the wholeness that we already are.

You are worthy and whole, no matter what my friend.

NO. MATTER. WHAT.

You already have all the light you need within you.  The trick is in letting it OUT.

And the secret ingredient?

The secret ingredient is always love.

What walls do you have around your heart that are BLOCKING your light and your love from being expressed in the way that you desire?

What fears are holding you back?

And what would it be like if you didn’t have to work so hard to protect that big, beautiful heart of yours?

For years, my password to almost everything was some variation of the word “Heartbroken” – even when I otherwise seemed “happy” and in love.

We may genuinely think we are broken sometimes.  

We may genuinely believe that there is something wrong with us or that we are not enough or that we are broken.  

We may feel the pain of these things so deeply that they must be true…

But thinking these things are true doesn’t mean they are actually true.

We experience these things as true ONLY when we believe them to be true.

NOT because they are actually true.

I absolutely love this little graphic from Danielle LaPorte, because it so clearly illustrates how what we believe about ourselves affects what else we think, feel, and do in our lives.  

I invite you to take two minutes today to do this exercise for yourself and then choose consciously – on purpose – how you want to think about yourself going forward.

Notice how what you believe about yourself affects how you show up and how you experience your life.

Are you broken?

Or are you whole?

You get to decide – no matter what I or anyone else thinks.

Your opinion of you is the only one that really matters.

I invite you to see yourself as WHOLE. No matter what. Exactly as you are.

And then, I invite you to shine YOUR light, from the INSIDE out.

Little by little.

Because YOU matter!!

And because LOVE feels amazing. 🥰

💕 Deise

P.S.  This doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy basking in the light of others.  It just means we don’t NEED something outside of us to make us whole. 

P.P.S. The work that I do is all about helping moms see themselves as complete and whole, exactly as they are.  

It’s about helping moms tap into their sufficiency and the power they already have within them, so that they can create a life that is fueled primarily by love and passion, rather than being fueled mostly by stress, pressure, and overwhelm. 

This inner work is so important, because it impacts literally every other area of our lives, including our relationships with our husband and kids (and others!!), our physical health, our ability to have fun in life, and the way we spend our time.  

Seeing ourselves as whole and living from a place of sufficiency allows us to create so much more of what we truly desire in our lives… and to feel as good about it on the inside as it looks on the outside.

If we want to deepen our connection with others and expand our impact, we must first deepen our connection with ourselves.

I can help you with this.  Simply click here to send me a message with any questions you have and I’ll get right back to you.

When you’re ready to take this work to the next level, simply click the button below to learn more about what it would be like to work with me as your private 1:1 coach.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

Recipe of the Week: Instant Pot Turkey Chili

Hello my beautiful friends!!

I jumped on the Instant Pot band wagon a month or two ago and have been trying out new recipes here and there.

My favorite new recipe from this past week is Instant Pot Turkey Chili.  

Super tasty, easy to make, and everyone in my family loved it (including ALL three of my littles!) – leftovers were completely devoured – so of course I want to share how I made it with you (and save it here for myself for later!).

I imagine you could just as easily make this on the stove top in the event you don’t have an Instant Pot.  😉

Enjoy!!

💕 Deise

Instant Pot Turkey Chili

Original Recipe from Karen at 365 Days of Slow Cooking and Pressure Cooking

Ingredients
  • 1 1/2 tsp chili powder
  • 1 1/2 tsp cumin
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder

Toppings:

  • green onions, diced
  • cheddar cheese, grated 

On the Side:

Instructions
  1. Turn your Instant Pot to the saute setting.  Add in the ground turkey and break it up.  Brown it for a couple of minutes and then add in the onions and garlic.  Saute until the onions are translucent; about 5 minutes.  Drain off grease.
  2. Add in the broth, bell pepper, crushed tomatoes, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, beans, corn, chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper, and garlic powder.
  3. Cover and secure the lid.  Make sure valve is set to “sealing.”  Set the manual pressure cook button to 5 minutes on high pressure.  When the timer beeps, let the pressure release naturally for 10 minutes (or more, if you have time).  Move the valve to venting and when you can, open the pot.
  4. Stir the chili and then season to taste; you may want to add in more chili powder, cumin, salt, and/or pepper.
  5. Ladle into bowls and serve topped with desired toppings / sides.  Store leftovers in an airtight container in the fridge for up to a week or freeze in airtight containers for up to 3 months.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

Start With What You Know

So I decided to join my sister‘s fitness group that starts next week.

I’m in a bit of indecision over what I am committing to workout wise right now. 😆 So I’m starting with what I know. 🙃

I know I’m super interested in and wanting to do Barre Blend.

I already purchased the VIP access for it. And I started checking it out today.

Now to decide what I really want to do, work through any doubts and perfectionist fantasies about it, and get clear on what my minimum baseline is for myself. 😆

Fear and doubt don’t mean something has gone wrong or that we shouldn’t do something. Quite the opposite actually. They are indicators that we are asking ourselves to step out of our comfort zones and expand them.

Still, it is useful to pause and make sure we like our reasons for what we are doing (or not doing!) before diving in head first.

At least, I think so. 😆

What we think we really want may not be what we actually want. And it is powerful to get clear on that.

But I digress.

I made it through a couple getting started videos, including Establish Your Space and the ~20 min Ballet Terminology today.

It all left me feeling very graceful and elegant. 😆💃 Lol!

I’m also really loving the affirmation for today…

I AM EXPANSIVE.💥

Just thinking that fills me with a sense of expansion and abundance.

Like an open heart kind of feeling.

LOVE it.

How are you feeling today?

I’m asking because I genuinely want to know.  I’d really love to hear from you.

You can message me here.

💕 Deise

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

How I Helped My Son When He Was Feeling Sad

Earlier today, my oldest came into the room looking for me, super sad and crying because his brother had destroyed something he made.

I invited him to come in and sit on my lap.

I told him it was okay to feel sad and just held him.

Of course he feels sad! I’d feel sad, too.

As he cried, he told me he was hungry and wanted to go eat.

I told him that sometimes we want to eat when we are sad because it distracts us from the sadness, but that doesn’t fix the sadness – and then asked him, “How about we tend to the sadness first, and then if you are still hungry, you can eat something?”

Through his tears and gasps for air, he told me he couldn’t and that he didn’t know how.

I told him, “Let’s just sit here and give the sadness some love.”

And then, I asked him to relax and just tell me how sad felt – and I guided him with some simple questions.

Me: “Where do you feel the sadness in your body?”

Him: (Loudly and frantically, while moving his hands all over his body) “Everywhere! All over my body!!”

Me: “Okay, great! How about telling me just one spot where you feel it?”

Him: (Pointing to his gut) “Right here!!”

Me: “Okay. Is it big or little?”

Him: “Big! Super duper big!! As big as the whole world!!!” (Ah brains, they can be dramatic sometimes! 😆)

Me: “Okay. What shape is it? A circle? A square? … “

Him: “A circle. A super duper big circle!”

Me: “Okay. Is it heavy or light?”

Him: “Heavy. Sooooo heavy.”

Me: “Okay. Now, I want you to see if you can breathe some love to that sadness. Take a slow, deep breath in and see if you can get the air all the way down to that sadness.”

Him: (Breathing)

Me: “Great. How is the sadness feeling now?”

Him: “A little bit better.”

Me: “Ok. Give it some more love. Take another breath. A bigger breath, and see if you can get it all the way to that sadness.”

Him (Taking more breaths, and then pointing to his leg above his knee): “Now the sadness is all the way down to here!”

Me: “Great! See if you get your breath all the way down there.”

Him: “All the way?!”

Me: “Yep!”

Him: (Taking more breaths, and then pointing to his toes) “Now it’s all the way down to here!”

Me: “Wow! Okay. Take another breath and see if you can get the air all the way to your toes!”

Him: (Breathing)

Me: “Now how does the sadness feel?”

Him (A little confused): “Hmm…. It’s all gone!!”

Me: “You feel better?”

Him: “Ya!”

Me: “Yep! When you’re feeling sad, you can give yourself a little extra love with your breath, and that will help you feel better – even if the feeling stays with you. And you can do that with anything you’re feeling!”

*************************

It’s challenging to hold space for our children’s emotions when we have a hard time holding space for our own emotions – because their “negative” emotions can be triggers for us in thinking we need to fix it or make it go away to be a “good” parent. It can bring up our own subconscious judgment of ourselves as parents, and then what happens (that we don’t even realize is happening!!) is that really we are wanting our kids to “feel better” so that WE feel better.

Most of us have never been taught this. We’ve never been taught much of anything about our emotions besides the labels themselves (you know… happy, sad, angry, etc…) – let alone what to do with those feelings when we’re in them. We’ve never been taught how to process emotion in a way that serves us, or how to use our emotions to create the life experience we most desire. So, of course, we don’t know what to do when are kids have emotions, either!

Enter life coaching! Life coaching teaches us all kinds of tools to help us experience life in a completely different way, where we feel more empowered and in charge of our lives and less like life just “is the way it is” or like life is just happening to us.

Now, conversations about emotions with my kids don’t always go like this. I am a human after all! And sometimes I totally flip my lid and act out my own negative emotions instead of being able to sit with whatever is coming up for me while holding space for whatever is coming up for them. (And often in these cases, after the fact, I then get coaching!! To understand what happened in my brain and make more conscious decisions going forward.)

It is a practice.

That being said, each time I have a conversation like this, I’m reminded of what a beautiful practice it is, and remain in awe of all the love and connection I feel after the experience.

On top of that, I’m totally fascinated by how easy and natural it is for my child to go into his body and describe his feelings to me with such detail. BLOWS. MY. MIND. every time.

If my 5 year old can do this – you can too. 

It’s seems scarier than it actually is. (Took me over 6 months after joining a coaching program to actually try this!!) Our brains are afraid we can’t handle it. But, we are MADE to handle emotion my friends. And all self confidence really is is being willing to fail and knowing you can handle any emotion.

So, this my friends, is how to feel an emotion. Sit with it. Go into your body. Lean in. Breathe. Feel it – as in, feel what it feels like as sensations in your body. Breathe some more. Pay attention to how it changes. Keep breathing.

Know that feeling your emotions doesn’t have to look like anything.

Keep breathing and let it be there for as long as it wants to stay.

Doing this will help your body process the emotion faster than if you are resisting it, reacting to it / acting it out, or avoiding it.

If you have questions about this, send me a message!

Learning just this one tool and applying it can completely change your life.

After all, EVERY THING we do or don’t do is because of how we feel. #truestory

Mastering your emotions helps you master your life. And empowering our kids with these tools changes their lives forever, too.

If you’d like more personalized help learning tools like this that you can apply to yourself and teach to your kids, let’s chat!

You can book a free consult at bookme.name/coachingwithdeise/free-consult.

💕 Deise

P.S. If you’d like to be share the original Facebook post, simply click the image below and it will redirect you.

Fun fact: This post has been my most popular post to date.  It reached almost 12,000 people in less than 24 hours of me posting – without Facebook ads!!  If you are someone who helped share this post – thank you!!

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

Recipe of the Week: Instant Pot Vegetable Soup

Hello my beautiful friends!!

I jumped on the Instant Pot band wagon recently and have been trying out new recipes here and there.

My favorite new recipe from this past week is Instant Pot Vegetable Soup

My older two children refused to try it, but the baby and I absolutely loved it.  😉  My hubby enjoyed it as well.

I imagine you could make this on the stove top in the event you don’t have an Instant Pot.  😉

Enjoy!!

💕 Deise

Instant Pot Vegetable Soup

Original Recipe from The Recipe Rebel

Ingredients
  • 1 tsp extra virgin organic olive oil
  • 1 medium onion, finely diced
  • 2 tsp garlic, minced
  • 2 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 1/4 tsp black pepper
  • 6 cups low sodium vegetable broth
  • 1 lb Yukon gold potatoes, chopped (about 3-4 medium)
  •  3 large carrots, peeled and chopped
  • 2 ribs celery, sliced
  • 1 1/2 cups fire roasted diced tomatoes
  • 1 cup fresh green beans, cut in thirds
  • 1 cup finely chopped spinach
Instructions
  1. Heat oil in Instant Pot on saute mode.  Add onion; cook and stir until softened.
  2. Turn the Instant Pot off and add the garlic, Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper.  Stir and cook for 1 minute on the residual heat.
  3. Add broth to the still hot pan, and scrape the bottom with a spoon to remove and left behind bits.
  4. Add potatoes, carrots, celery, tomatoes, and green beans.  Stir.
  5. Put the lid on, turn the valve to sealing, and select Manual or Pressure Cook for 2 minutes.  It will take about 15 minutes to come to pressure and begin counting down.
  6. Once the cook time is over, let pressure release naturally for 8-10 minutes before opening the valve and removing the lid (this is to prevent the splatter that can come when pressure cooking soup).
  7. Stir in the spinach, adjust seasonings to taste, and serve.
Notes

This recipe makes about 4 liters of soup, or approximately 16 cups.

SHARE THIS POST

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email