“Your Only Job Is to Get Really Clear About What You Want”

I went to an event earlier this month that touched me in a really powerful way.

It was a networking event, and another life coach spoke on setting goals and putting plans into action.

My biggest take-away from her speech was this:

YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO GET REALLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.

It was a such a good reminder to me about how simple it is to create a life we love – as simple as asking ourselves “What do I want?” and “What would I love?!” and then coming from that place as we move forward and take action in our lives.

Of course, just because something is simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.

If you identify as a people pleaser and perfectionist, chances are that you tend to experience a lot of guilt and shame when it comes to wanting.

It wasn’t always this way, of course.

As kids, we all lived with our hearts wide open. We knew what we wanted and we communicated that, though perhaps not always in a way preferred by the adults in our lives. 😉 Lol.

But then, as time went on, we adopted beliefs, fears, culture, experience, and so on that got in the way of wanting being easy for us.

Here’s some examples of things we may believe about wanting:

1️⃣ Wanting is scary. There’s no guarantee I’ll get what I want or be able to make it happen.

2️⃣ I shouldn’t want.

… Wanting is “selfish.”

… Wanting is indulgent or “childish.”

… Wanting is ungrateful. I should be more grateful for what I have.

3️⃣ If I want something, I need to be able to justify it somehow.

4️⃣ I never get what I want.

5️⃣ I don’t know what I want.

These limiting beliefs can keep us from wanting or make it hard for us to want.

When we clear out the beliefs we have about wanting that aren’t helping us, we open the door for being able to want more, which leads to us creating more of what we want in our lives. And who doesn’t want that?!

This process also helps us connect more with ourselves and our own hearts. In my opinion, that’s all any of us really wants, anyways. Everything comes back to how we feel.

But I digress.

For now, I want you to take away just one simple thing – and that is this…

“An important part of having what we want is knowing what we want and learning to want. Wanting is the magic!!” – Molly Claire

Let’s repeat that last bit…

WANTING is the magic.

When we create our lives from a place of being grounded and centered in what we truly want – that’s when we have alignment and steady momentum to move us forward.

That’s when we create what we WANT in our lives.

I can’t wait to share more with you on this topic. Until then, notice how you feel about wanting.

What comes up for you?

I’d love to hear.

💕 Deise

Do you struggle with wanting? With knowing what you want, or doing what you want, or feeling like you should or shouldn’t want this or that?

I know the struggle. My brain on default leans toward perfectionist and people pleasing mindsets that having me doing things I think I should want… and then beating myself up for not doing them. Which is why it is so important for me to be the watcher of my brain and decide on purpose who I want to be and how I want to show up in my life.

Coaching has transformed my life because I have tools (and coaches!!) to support me in getting clarity about what I want, to connect with myself more – my own heart and my own voice, and to unpack all the guilt and shame that gets in the way of me being able to align with and do what it is that I really want to do. To want what I want and really give myself permission to be all in on that.

I LITERALLY physically made myself sick last year working through some of these mindsets. I was sick more last year than I have been in YEARS before that. It was not always easy. But dang, was it worth it. My growth has been explosive the past year (and even just the past month!!).

I love my life so much more than I even did before.

Course that doesn’t mean I love every little thing in my life 100%. But I keep raising the water level of where my average vibe lies.

Working with coaches I love has made all the difference. I get coached at a minimum of twice a week (sometimes more!!) and I do my own coaching.

I used to think change takes forever… turns out that was only the only case when I believed I needed to be able to figure it out all on my own… too ashamed to ask for help. 

Having outside, loving perspective is powerful.

If you relate to any of this, please know that you do not need to figure it out all on your own.

Your “secrets” are not shameful, and neither are you. And, it is SO. MUCH. MORE. FUN. to make the changes you want when you don’t have to do it all alone and when you are working with a coach (or two!) you love (or any other person you choose to help support you!!).

Would you love to work with me?!

Chances are I’d love to work with you, too. 😉

There is no way to no for sure if we’re a fit without getting on a call to talk about what you want and how I can help you – and answer any questions you have.

Take the first step. Move through that fear. Give yourself the gift of support beyond yourself.

All the love and joy you crave starts in creating a magnetic relationship with YOURSELF.

Of course, it doesn’t end there. The more you trust you have your own back and know that nobody can hurt you emotionally but you… the more you realize you can handle any emotion… the more you LOVE being in your own body… the more you are willing to put yourself out there to do the “scary” things, and the more you can open your heart to the world and express yourself in the way you most deeply desire.

Start with YOU. So you can connect with and follow your own heart. Whatever that looks like for YOU.

“It takes courage to grow up and be who you REALLY are.” E.E. Cummings.

That’s been one of my favorite quotes for years.

We’re always going to have fears. Courage helps us move through them and act from what we WANT instead of from what we fear.

And, when we act from what we WANT… we create what we want.

It feels like magic, but it’s not. 😉

When you’re ready, book a free consult here: bookme.name/coachingwithdeise/free-consult.

See you there!!

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How I Helped My Son When He Was Feeling Sad

Earlier today, my oldest came into the room looking for me, super sad and crying because his brother had destroyed something he made.

I invited him to come in and sit on my lap.

I told him it was okay to feel sad and just held him.

Of course he feels sad! I’d feel sad, too.

As he cried, he told me he was hungry and wanted to go eat.

I told him that sometimes we want to eat when we are sad because it distracts us from the sadness, but that doesn’t fix the sadness – and then asked him, “How about we tend to the sadness first, and then if you are still hungry, you can eat something?”

Through his tears and gasps for air, he told me he couldn’t and that he didn’t know how.

I told him, “Let’s just sit here and give the sadness some love.”

And then, I asked him to relax and just tell me how sad felt – and I guided him with some simple questions.

Me: “Where do you feel the sadness in your body?”

Him: (Loudly and frantically, while moving his hands all over his body) “Everywhere! All over my body!!”

Me: “Okay, great! How about telling me just one spot where you feel it?”

Him: (Pointing to his gut) “Right here!!”

Me: “Okay. Is it big or little?”

Him: “Big! Super duper big!! As big as the whole world!!!” (Ah brains, they can be dramatic sometimes! 😆)

Me: “Okay. What shape is it? A circle? A square? … “

Him: “A circle. A super duper big circle!”

Me: “Okay. Is it heavy or light?”

Him: “Heavy. Sooooo heavy.”

Me: “Okay. Now, I want you to see if you can breathe some love to that sadness. Take a slow, deep breath in and see if you can get the air all the way down to that sadness.”

Him: (Breathing)

Me: “Great. How is the sadness feeling now?”

Him: “A little bit better.”

Me: “Ok. Give it some more love. Take another breath. A bigger breath, and see if you can get it all the way to that sadness.”

Him (Taking more breaths, and then pointing to his leg above his knee): “Now the sadness is all the way down to here!”

Me: “Great! See if you get your breath all the way down there.”

Him: “All the way?!”

Me: “Yep!”

Him: (Taking more breaths, and then pointing to his toes) “Now it’s all the way down to here!”

Me: “Wow! Okay. Take another breath and see if you can get the air all the way to your toes!”

Him: (Breathing)

Me: “Now how does the sadness feel?”

Him (A little confused): “Hmm…. It’s all gone!!”

Me: “You feel better?”

Him: “Ya!”

Me: “Yep! When you’re feeling sad, you can give yourself a little extra love with your breath, and that will help you feel better – even if the feeling stays with you. And you can do that with anything you’re feeling!”

*************************

It’s challenging to hold space for our children’s emotions when we have a hard time holding space for our own emotions – because their “negative” emotions can be triggers for us in thinking we need to fix it or make it go away to be a “good” parent. It can bring up our own subconscious judgment of ourselves as parents, and then what happens (that we don’t even realize is happening!!) is that really we are wanting our kids to “feel better” so that WE feel better.

Most of us have never been taught this. We’ve never been taught much of anything about our emotions besides the labels themselves (you know… happy, sad, angry, etc…) – let alone what to do with those feelings when we’re in them. We’ve never been taught how to process emotion in a way that serves us, or how to use our emotions to create the life experience we most desire. So, of course, we don’t know what to do when are kids have emotions, either!

Enter life coaching! Life coaching teaches us all kinds of tools to help us experience life in a completely different way, where we feel more empowered and in charge of our lives and less like life just “is the way it is” or like life is just happening to us.

Now, conversations about emotions with my kids don’t always go like this. I am a human after all! And sometimes I totally flip my lid and act out my own negative emotions instead of being able to sit with whatever is coming up for me while holding space for whatever is coming up for them. (And often in these cases, after the fact, I then get coaching!! To understand what happened in my brain and make more conscious decisions going forward.)

It is a practice.

That being said, each time I have a conversation like this, I’m reminded of what a beautiful practice it is, and remain in awe of all the love and connection I feel after the experience.

On top of that, I’m totally fascinated by how easy and natural it is for my child to go into his body and describe his feelings to me with such detail. BLOWS. MY. MIND. every time.

If my 5 year old can do this – you can too. 

It’s seems scarier than it actually is. (Took me over 6 months after joining a coaching program to actually try this!!) Our brains are afraid we can’t handle it. But, we are MADE to handle emotion my friends. And all self confidence really is is being willing to fail and knowing you can handle any emotion.

So, this my friends, is how to feel an emotion. Sit with it. Go into your body. Lean in. Breathe. Feel it – as in, feel what it feels like as sensations in your body. Breathe some more. Pay attention to how it changes. Keep breathing.

Know that feeling your emotions doesn’t have to look like anything.

Keep breathing and let it be there for as long as it wants to stay.

Doing this will help your body process the emotion faster than if you are resisting it, reacting to it / acting it out, or avoiding it.

If you have questions about this, send me a message!

Learning just this one tool and applying it can completely change your life.

After all, EVERY THING we do or don’t do is because of how we feel. #truestory

Mastering your emotions helps you master your life. And empowering our kids with these tools changes their lives forever, too.

If you’d like more personalized help learning tools like this that you can apply to yourself and teach to your kids, let’s chat!

You can book a free consult at bookme.name/coachingwithdeise/free-consult.

💕 Deise

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