Keep Moving Forward

“Around here…we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” Walt Disney

The topic of failure is on my brain today.

It started this morning, around 6 AM, with 20 mins of self coaching, pondering thoughts that are holding me back when it comes to my desire to wake up earlier in the morning.

Thoughts like…

“I won’t be able to do it.”

“It’s not going to happen.”

And, “It won’t matter anyway.” “It’s not going to make a difference.”

It’s fascinating to think about how many times these thoughts are offered to me by my brain.

They are so subtle, and yet, when we believe thoughts like these, they are so devastating for our goals and dreams.

When I believe these thoughts to be true, I feel hopeless, apathetic, and abdicated.

>> Hopeless: having no expectation of good or success.

>> Apathetic: showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

>> Abdicated: fail to fulfill or undertake a responsibility or duty; renounce one’s throne (aka, give away one’s power!).

So fun. πŸ˜‚ #not

And these feelings?

When I’m acting from these feelings (as opposed to allowing them and otherwise pausing the models they would create), I’m not taking any kind of useful action. 

I might stay up later than planned, dragging my feet getting to bed. When my alarm goes off in the morning, I’m more likely to just hit snooze until my kids get me out of bed. And once out of bed, I’m probably going to be moving a bit sluggishly, perhaps even dreading things to be done during the day. I’ll skip over doing things that I pre-determined are important to my goals, telling myself “it’s not a big deal” and “I can do it later.” And later probably won’t happen.

And, of course, when I take these actions, I’m failing ahead of time. 

Failing before I even begin. 

Not even giving myself a chance to see what I am capable of or what might be possible.

Now really notice what happens here.

I think some thoughts that make me feel something, AND THEN I take actions that create evidence for the initial thoughts…AND THEN use that evidence against myself, as even more reason why “I was right” and why “I can’t do it.” Perhaps not even noticing that the reason “I’m right” and the reason why “I can’t do it” is because I had those thoughts in the first place and made a decision (conscious or unconscious) to believe them and play them out.

I’ve taken this path many times.

I saw myself wanting to take that road again this morning, but I was on to myself. I know thoughts are choices, and I had the courage to make a different choice than what my brain wanted to make by default.

Often, it takes courage to make a different choice. 

It takes courage to challenge our beliefs…to prove ourselves wrong when it comes to thoughts that aren’t creating what we want…to choose something that is more useful in helping us create the kind of life we want to create.

The thought I chose this morning to focus on?

“I can create evidence that I can do it.”

As I thought about that, I was left feeling curious and intrigued.

>> Curious: eager to learn or know something.

>> Intrigued: arouse the curiosity or interest of; fascinate; appeal strongly for; captivate.

Ah! So much better!! πŸ™ƒ

From this place, I saw myself asking the question, “How can I create evidence that I can do it?!” I saw myself wanting to pay closer attention to my calendar and follow through as much as possible. Wanting to work on that earlier bedtime and wake time. Wanting to make sure important self-care tasks like my daily self coaching are happening. Wanting to come on FB more to share tips and tools that help other moms. I saw myself thinking about how to make my goals possible, and then going and doing the aforementioned things.

And you know what’s crazy?! 

When I do these things from this energy, I make my goals more possible. I believe more and more that what I want to create is in fact possible – that I can figure it out and that I can do it.

Not because of who I am as a person or what I’m inherently capable of or not. Simply because I’m executing different thoughts in my brain.

But, it didn’t stop there.

This morning, during breakfast, I listened to a podcast from The Life Coach School on failure tolerance and the importance of raising our tolerance for failure. How failure moves us forward. How important it is to be willing to make decisions and just keep trying different things (aka, massive action) until we create our desired result. How being indecisive and not wanting to make decisions is really about not wanting to fail and just failing ahead of time – keeping ourselves stuck in stagnation.

Then, later this morning, because it’s raining here today, my hubby and I decided we wanted to watch a movie with the boys.

While I finished getting ready, my husband picked a movie, “Meet the Robinsons.”

I’d never seen it before, and was fascinated that the show he happened to pick was centered around the topic of failure. Celebrating failure. Letting the past go. Moving forward. Choosing failure over stagnation.

AH! So good my friends.

Be willing to fail.

Be willing to try and try and try and try and TRY again and again until you create the result you want.

It’s worth it.

The past means nothing about what you are capable of today and in your future.

So, let it go. 

Let it roll right off your shoulder.

And KEEP. MOVING. FORWARD.

For as long as it takes.

And if you want some help with this, reach out! 

Message me with questions, or, to take it to the next level, book a free consult with me and explore if coaching with me is a fit for YOU.

>> bookme.name/coachingwithdeise <<

Coaching is like the cell phone you never knew you needed…until you got one and experienced all the benefits…and then you can’t possibly live without it.

At least, that was me. I resisted getting a cell phone for the longest time because “I didn’t need one.”

Boy, was I ever wrong about that!!

Same with coaching. Resisted paying for coaching for years.

Only when I was willing to invest in myself and create space for me to discover myself and what I truly wanted and learn how to go after that did I finally start to break the repeating patterns I was in.

In both cases, I was left wondering why I waited so long.

But, don’t take my word for it. 

Find a coach who resonates with you, commit to YOURSELF and the life you want to live, and start failing your way to success. πŸ˜‰

Don’t wait until “later.”

Make later happen NOW.

Have a beautiful weekend my friends!!

πŸ’• Deise

P.S. If you love music like me, play some “Little Wonders” by Rob Thomas today! 

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Morning Thoughts & 3 Stages of Belief

I had a coaching call with one of my amazing coaches yesterday. As in a call where I got coached. Cause coaches need coaches like doctors need doctors.

My coach pointed out…over and over again throughout the call…how I was in impossibility with my goal for this month.

My brain had a hard time really seeing it, even though intellectually I agreed.

I was totally stuck and indulging in doubt and confusion. Not believing, at all.

Did you know there are 3 stages of belief?

Stage 1: Impossibility 

Stage 2: Possibility 

Stage 3: Inevitability

We all go through all three of these stages when it comes to achieving our goals. And we go through them often. And it’s not like once we move to the next stage we don’t go back to one of the previous stages.

Awareness is key and we’ve got to be on to ourselves about where we are. Then, it’s about how long we stay in the stage and how much action we take from that space.

If we’re not creating the results we want, we’re simply not believing hard enough.

So, last night I did about 5 mins of belief work.

I got myself back into possibility.

And friends, can I just say that possibility feels so dang good?!

I wrote a FB post.

That took me longer than I realized and I ended up going to bed just before 11:30 PM instead of my target 10:30 PM time. Though part of that was also because baby woke up to feed around 10:30 PM.

Baby woke up around 5:30 AM to feed.

I typically feel sluggish when I wake in the morning.

My brain on default just wants to go back to bed and sleep more. As much as possible, actually. πŸ˜‚ Like, “Why are we awake?! There is more sleeping to do.” Ha!

I thought I’d stay up. Sat down to nurse, and thought, “Ya, maybe not.” πŸ˜†

Dozed in and out of sleep while nursing my baby.

Baby finished eating around 6:10 AM.

I put him back in his crib…he was awake, but it wasn’t time for him to be awake so I figured he could either play happily or go back to sleep. His choice. πŸ™ƒ

And me?

At this point, I was still in my head trying to figure out if I was going back to bed or not.

“I could go back to sleep.”

“But do I really want to?”

“Maybe…”

“But like REALLY want to?”

“Mmm. I’m going to feel tired and groggy either way. Might as well stay up.”

And then this thought, which I LOVE…

“I’m awake.”

Seemingly simple but so helpful and powerful to declare it to myself. Shifts my energy even just a little and gets me GOING.

Day has begun. 

I got ready while listening to a podcast, ironically on inevitability. πŸ™ƒ

Baby didn’t go back to sleep and eventually demanded attention…but no matter…it’s all good…so I went and got him and let him play on the floor while I finished getting ready for the day.

7 AM rolls around as my other kids start waking.

I’m dressed and ready for the day and feeling AMAZING. Not tired or groggy.

I’m rocking out to “Something Big” (yep, still got that song on replay πŸ˜‚) with headphones on…feeling unstoppable and wanting to dance in the kitchen. πŸ’ƒ

The picture in this post is me and my littlest man, at 7:10 AM.

One thing I’ve learned?!

I am not my energy. I am not my emotions.

Emotions are just vibrations in our bodies. 

They are the fuel for living our lives.

They are created with our minds.

We have all the power to change our emotions…our ENERGY…yet we often think we are at the effect of our emotions…not in control…and we make ourselves powerless.

Another thing I’ve learned?

Nothing has gone wrong when we are in impossibility. It is just part of the process.

Impossibility is part of it.

AND…it’s the first stage of belief.

So fun to think of it that way. Ya?!

Need help moving out of impossibility when it comes to your goals?!

I can help you with that.

I’ve got three spots for free calls THIS week.

⏩ bookme.name/coachingwithdeise βͺ

Because it IS possible my friends.

And you have everything you need inside of you to make it INEVITABLE.

πŸ’• Deise

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Thoughts on Religion

I celebrated my birthday this week! πŸŽ‰

The very next day my knees started popping every time I walk up stairs. πŸ€” Lol.

As I move more into my 30’s, I’m challenging myself to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I went out to a girls’ night last night, and would you believe it if I told you that was my first time ever wearing a sleeveless dress?

I have an identity as a very modest person. And I also had a lot of thoughts about how some people (who I care a lot about) might feel if they knew I was wearing a sleeveless dress. Ha!

It sounds a little ridiculous to say that out loud, especially because I know my actions don’t create other people’s feelings: their feelings are caused by their thoughts about my actions.

But, still, this seemingly small thing of no sleeves on a dress is quite the ordeal for me, because of my thoughts about it.

I used to be Mormon. I stopped associating myself with Mormonism a little over a year ago, in May.

And, the only reason I’m sharing this is because I had a conversation with a good friend recently who reached out to me because I mentioned once in a post that I’d been through a faith crisis, and she wanted to know how I got through that. Turns out she left the church recently, too. And, another good friend of mine from the same circle left around the same time I did.

So, it has me thinking that maybe there are other people I know who either have been or are going through a faith crisis, who might benefit from knowing I’ve been through it.

If that’s you and you ever want to chat, feel free to reach out!!

I love that, thanks to coaching, I was able to get to a place of viewing Mormonism (AKA, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) the same as I view any other church I’m not a part of…BEFORE I made the decision to leave…with no bitterness or hard feeling or resentment of any kind. I love that I made my decision from a very conscious place. And I love that I was able to do it without feeling a need to distance myself from the people I love who still associate with the church.

I still have the same Mormon friends (plus other friends I have made, of course!). And I still completely admire and respect anyone who chooses to align themselves with Mormonism. I don’t view my family any differently just because our beliefs are different. And I’m not out to convince anyone not to believe it. I believe 100% that people get to believe whatever they want to believe. And how fun is that?

I love that we all get to choose what we want to believe and what kind of life we want to live, and I love learning from the beliefs of others, no matter their organized religion. Like a buffet of thoughts I can choose from to believe.

I personally don’t identify with any particular organized religion now…and not sure I ever will. And I’m still figuring out what I want to believe about God or not.

But, regardless, I believe we all have religion. Cause what religion really is, for all of us, is the cumulative of everything we believe to be true (whether that aligns with our stated organized religion or not).

And, what is a belief??

A belief is simply a thought that has been thought so many times it feels true, regardless of whether or not it is actually true.

Organized religion, in my mind, is just a prescribed or suggested set of thoughts to believe.

Not having organized religion doesn’t mean a person doesn’t have morals or values. And it’s been delightful for me to discover just how true that is for myself and other people I know.

If you’re going through or have been through any kind of faith crisis…no matter where you land with it…I invite you to consider that it can be the best thing that ever happened FOR you.

Through that experience, I learned how to communicate with my husband so much better. I feel more connected to my husband, myself, and others I love. My relationships with other people are more authentic, meaning people get to know the real me and not some facade. And I get to discover more of “me” too. I have more respect for differing beliefs. I love more and judge less. And I am less affected by the opinions of others. I have no shame in my decision and I feel no need to hide.

My friends, live your life in a way that feels good to YOU!! Whatever that looks like. Cause YOU matter. And no one but YOU can know what is best for YOU.

πŸ’• Deise

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” – Steve Jobs

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Unconditional Love

I was joking with a friend the other day about how with kids, unconditional love lasts until about age 2.5, and after that, there are no promises. πŸ˜† lol.

Course, what really happens is my brain has no expectations of my kids until about age 2.5 – those babies can do no wrong in my mind. Ha! And then the older they get, the more expectations I have.

Now there is nothing wrong with having expectations…it’s when we allow our emotions to be based on how well our kids comply with those expectations that we have problems. We create a lot of unnecessary suffering for ourselves, and can end up emotionally manipulating our children without even realizing that is what we are doing. (Ever catch yourself saying something like, “It makes me sad when you _____.”?)

I’m reminded today of how precious these early years are when unconditional love is so easy for me to access. How I love the baby phase. β€

And also, how thankful I am for coaching and how much more love I am able to feel and enjoy as a result of knowing how my brain works.

For the longest time I felt unworthy of love, and like I was loving “wrong.” Cause I thought love was supposed to look different than it did. I thought I had a love problem. I felt like my heart was blocked…but also felt a need to have walls around my heart to protect it from all the hurt and pain in the world.

Good news is that’s not true! No need to be afraid of emotions my friends. 

You have more power in your life than you know. And if you’d like to learn more about how your brain works and how you can feel more love, book a free consult with me or reach out!!

This stuff is my passion!

πŸ’• Deise

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How to Turn Your Day Around & Shift Your Energy

My baby woke me around 5:30 AM this morning.

This has been the case the past few mornings, and I’ve decided to just stay up and start working on my wake up time (new goal!).

I got him back in bed around 5:45 AM and went to go get a head start on my day.

You’d think I’d be excited? After all, my kids won’t be up til at least 6:45 AM, and I have all this time to myself, right?!

Perhaps. But I wasn’t thinking about it this way at the time.

I felt super sluggish.

And, I have to tell you something…

I have been slacking on doing my own self coaching ON PAPER lately. Sure, think about this stuff all the time and talk about it with anyone who will let me. And, I can often “see” myself as I’m playing out an unintentional model (though not interrupting it in the moment).

But, my friends, the magic happens when you get it all OUT of your head. It gives you some separation from your thoughts and allows you to digest it from the outside in.

But I digress. I went into my office and attempted to plan my day.

I literally spun in my head and stared at a blank piece of paper for the better part of 20 minutes.

So, I decided that wasn’t working. Ha!

I recognized that I’ve been slacking on self coaching and decided there’s no time better than the present.

My brain always resists at first, typically with time objections.

This is going to take forever.

I don’t have time for this.

To which I reminded myself that it doesn’t have to take more than 15 minutes, and it’s the most important thing I can be spending my time on right now.

Today, I started by asking myself, “What am I feeling right now?”

I knew it was negative, but I hadn’t actually labeled it.

Just naming an emotion can give me so much clarity and a sense of empowerment. Like, “Oh! That’s what I’m feeling!” It’s a simple thing that is surprisingly powerful.

At first, my brain likes to tell me, “Ugh, I don’t even know.” But I tell myself I’ve got to come up with something and I keep myself in a curious place as I work to label my current emotion.

As I sat with it, the first word that came to mind was restless. Then apathetic. Then resigned.

Bam. That was it. Resigned.

So I plugged that word into the F-line (AKA, Feelings line) of the Self Coaching Model on my half sheet of paper, and I looked up the definition via Google – cause I love to do that to really check the emotion for myself.

Resigned: having accepted something unpleasant that one can not do anything about.

Yep. That felt like it pretty much summed up how I was feeling. Ha!

Then, I asked myself, “Why am I feeling this way?”

And I sat there watching my brain, writing down the thoughts as they came up. Below are all the thoughts that I wrote down (within the context / circumstance of my day and the items on my to-do list):

It’s hopeless.

I’ll never get it all done.

We need to get out more.

My life is revolving too much around basic dailies (sleeping, eating, cleaning…).

I don’t have enough time.

My time isn’t mine.

There’s nothing I can do about it.

No wonder I was feeling resigned. Ha! My emotions make so much more sense to me when I can see the thoughts creating them.

But I digress. All of these thoughts felt very true as I looked at them. Reading my list of empowering thoughts to “try and feel better” was not effective in that moment, because those thoughts weren’t believable to me at all right then. I could see, intellectually at least, that I was making myself a victim of my to-do list, my day, and motherhood in general. I put myself in a place of feeling like I had no personal power. And I could also tell I wasn’t ready to shift out of it yet (cause I was still very much believing it).

Nothing is wrong with that, though. The goal of coaching is not to “feel better” but to raise awareness around how our thinking is creating our results, and then to choose consciously how we want to think about our circumstances – knowing there is no right or wrong – just what we are thinking vs. what we want to be thinking. We can do models on the positive thoughts, too. πŸ™‚

So, I kept building my model, from a place of curiosity, while being open to questioning my thoughts as the truth. I picked one thought that seemed to sum up the story I was telling myself (any thought will do!) and ran with it. In the A-line (AKA, Actions line), I put all the actions this feeling made we want to take, plus any actions I was taking. And then I populated my R-line (AKA, Results line).

Here’s the model I came up with for myself:

C – My Day

T – I don’t have enough time.

F – Resigned.

A – Dragging my feet. Acting sluggish / feeling like I’m moving at slow snail speed. Checking out mentally. Things taking longer to do (twenty minutes trying to plan my day and nothing to show for it). Sitting and thinking instead of actively doing. Wanting to give up. Wanting to quit. Feeling like I’m in “What’s the point?” energy. Letting time happen to me. Less proactive / intentional with my time. Not wanting to plan.

R – I have less time available to me to do what I want to do.

Notice the actions I take and the result I create for myself here totally provide evidence for my thought. If I’m spending more time spinning out in my head, I have less time available to me to do the other things I want to do – which effectively means I don’t have enough time to do other things I want to do.

Once I finish populating a model, I like to just look at it for a minute.

Yep.

It feels so true. And in that moment, I can’t imagine not seeing that things that way. Sometimes I can’t come up with an intentional model or even what I would want right away. That was the case this morning. So I allowed myself to process feeling resigned for a little bit.

It’s okay to feel resigned.

I can feel this.

I’m not powerless.

I asked myself, “What does resigned feel like in my body?”

Throat constricted. Heart heavy and slow. Face long. Tension in my jaw and shoulders. Blue.

And I relaxed my body. My forehead. My shoulders. I leaned into the emotion and just allowed all of those sensations to be there. Slowed down my breath, and just breathed into them. I like to imagine that I’m sending oxygen to those particular areas of my body, one at a time, starting with the area where the feeling is most concentrated. And, in this case, that was my heart.

As I sat with it, I googled for articles to read. This can help me open my mind to other ways of thinking. I googled, “What to do when you feel resigned.”

This particular search didn’t yield much in terms of intriguing results, but I clicked on the most interesting article I saw. I got one thought from that article that felt believable to me.

I have the ability to change if I’m willing.

And I told myself I could stay in this place if I wanted…but did I really want to?

No. Not the result I want to create with my day.

And I allowed myself to brainstorm other thoughts that felt believable to me. Often I do this even just by questioning the unintentional thoughts I wrote down initially – asking myself, “Is this true? Is this really true?” And also, “Is this how I want to think about it? And, “How else could I think about this?” And, similar to above, I wrote down the thoughts.

My life is my responsibility.

I’m in control of my time.

I create my day.

I could have fun today.

We could have a fun day.

I can make that happen.

I have time.

The point is not to get it all done in one day.

I will get the most important things done – that is enough.

Nothing is hopeless.

And them I sat with those thoughts for a minute, exploring what resonated with me the most today, in the context of my day and to-dos.

I have time.

I love this one. It’s not the first time I’ve used it. Ha!

So, I stuck that thought in the T-line (AKA, Thought line) for my intentional model, and asked myself what emotion it created for me today.

My brain wanted to tell me it didn’t know via, “I’m not sure” – but I gave it some encouragement!

We can figure this out!

The feeling I came to was Empowered. And, again, I love to look up the definition on Google to reinforce it and check the emotion (even if I’ve looked up the definition a hundred times before).

Empowered: give (someone) the authority or power to do something; make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

And oh my goodness, I loved this definition so much!! Cause this is exactly what I felt like this thought was doing for me – what I was doing for me by doing this work. I could totally feel my energy shifting more and more as I went along.

Then, I finished out my model, considering what this thought and feeling made me want to do (or not do), and what result I would create if I stayed in it / kept coming back to it.

C – My Day

T – I have time.

F – Empowered.

A – Thinking about what I want to do with the time I have today. Not feeling like I have to fit it all in. Able to say no to certain tasks. Able to map out my day quickly and efficiently. Moving with more energy and excitement. Wanting to get things done. Not worried about it. like I was before.

R – I make a plan, use my time more intentionally, and have more time to do things I want to do.

Again, the actions I take and result I create provide evidence for my thinking. If I’m planning and following through on my plan, that is proof I had time to do things I wanted to do.

And, friends…remember how I said I was sitting there staring at my blank piece of paper getting nothing done for the better part of 20 minutes first thing this morning?

Once I shifted my energy, I got my plan for my day mapped out in 5 MINUTES.

And then, I genuinely felt excited to get up and get moving, and started getting things done, like there was no time to waste. The time I spent on this completely shifted the trajectory and energy of my entire day.

(And, I can say this confidently, because I DID NOT shift the trajectory of the last few days before today!)

This, my friends, is the magic of self coaching, and it is my absolute favorite tool for turning my day around – at any point in my day – and shifting my energy to an emotion that serves me better in creating the results I want. I simply have to make time to do it.

This is something you can do, too! Take a moment to think about your day and to-dos presented.

Ask yourself how you are feeling. Name the emotion. Then, ask yourself why you are feeling that way (always because of what you are thinking!). Consider what that feeling has you doing or not doing and the result that creates. These questions give you all the inputs for an unintentional Model.

Then, ask yourself questions for a more intentional Model. How do I want to feel? What thoughts would create that emotion? What would I do or not do if I felt that way? What result would that create?

Sit with it, and decide, on purpose, how you want to think about the given circumstances. And, know that this is a practice.

Time management isn’t about managing time. It’s about managing yourself within time. And managing yourself is all about managing your emotions. And coaching helps you do that!

If you want help with this, you know where to find me!! This quick guide I created may help you as well.

πŸ’• Deise

P.S. The pilot program I’ve been doing is coming to an end THIS week, and I have spots opening starting NEXT week. Intrigued by this work but not sure where to begin or how to apply it to your life? I got you! It’s not as hard as you think; our brains like to over complicate things. πŸ™‚ I can help you understand where you are now and where you want to go, including any obstacles that are in your way. We can talk about what your problem is and how to solve it. I can help you take this information to the next level in your own life.

Click here to book now; and if none of the available spots work for you, message me with your availability and I’ll do my best to find a time that works for both of us!

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Doubt Your Doubt

Doubt is an emotion created with our minds.

What do you make it mean when you feel doubtful?

Do you make it mean that you’re not doing something right?

If so, you probably stop moving forward with the associated goal or outcome for a time.

Doubt doesn’t have to mean something has gone wrong, though.

We get to choose what we make it mean.

So, when you feel doubtful and like you’re doing it wrong…

Doubt your doubt.

Instead of meaning you’re doing it wrong, doubt could mean…

Nothing has gone wrong here.

I’m doing it right.

I’m evolving.

I’m taking myself to the next level of my life.

I trust myself to figure this out. I can solve any problem. I can overcome any obstacle. I know I won’t give up.

This doesn’t mean I can’t do this. I’ve got this.

Doubt is part of the deal. This is supposed to happen. It’s part of the natural progression; it’s a natural reaction to growth.

Think about doubt this way and guess what?!

You’ll keep going.

You’ll keep moving forward.

And you’ll get closer and closer to achieving that desired goal / outcome…until you’re there.

What will you make doubt mean when it comes up for you?

You get to choose!

πŸ’• Deise

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On Wanting to Feel Organized & Put Together

I had an interesting conversation with a client the other day.

She mentioned how she worries about other people thinking she’s not organized, and she doesn’t want other people thinking that she doesn’t have it together.

And, I can relate to this, cause my brain likes to go there, too.

When it comes to other people’s opinions and what we don’t want other people to think about us, I have found that it is useful to replace the word “think” with the word “know.”

I don’t want people to know that I’m not organized.

I don’t want people to know that I don’t have it together.

Cause what is actually happening is that these are things we are thinking about ourselves, and we are afraid of other people thinking those things about us, too.

That being said, if you are anything like me or my client, it is likely that you tend to think of “organized” and “put together” in terms of absolutes. Like you either are or you aren’t (and yet you may find yourself bouncing back and forth between the two).

The way we view it isn’t really how it works, though.

We feel organized and put together when we are thinking about the aspects of our lives that we associate with those qualities.

The truth is that there are always parts of our lives that are “organized,” and there are always parts of our lives that are not.

There are always ways that we are “put together” and there are always ways that we are not.

And what if that can all be okay?

What if the point is not to be totally put together and organized, but to acknowledge and accept that one cannot exist without the other?

When I want to make something more organized, it gets more chaotic first.

Chaos is part of order.

There’s a time and space for mess. Chaos is fertile ground for breaking the chains of habit and finding new worlds and new ways of living. Chaos breaks down entrenched patterns and habits. Too little chaos is as dangerous as too much. The right amount of chaos frees us from the status quo. Without a tolerance for some chaos, we will be stuck and trapped in old systems of order that don’t serve us anymore.

The paradox of order is that often, in the cleaning process, things get messier before they get cleaner.

When we’re cleaning out a closet, all the chaos on the inside has to first make its way out. We pull out well-worn shoes, socks, or gloves with missing mates, plus half-filled boxes with items whose worth is long forgotten. The mess goes from contained to uncontained as the area around the closet is strewn with the closet debris.

In fact, the greater the mess we create in the process of making order, the deeper and more complete our new ordering can be.

We may pull out all the junk in the closet, but until we also drag out the boxes of stuff and sort through them, the available space in our closet will not be maximized.

Mess precedes order. No mess, no order.

Sometimes an over attachment to order thinly masks our need for control.

The relationship between anxiety and control is well known. In the name of order, we may be demanding control and avoiding fear.

When we work on the trait of order, we must be especially mindful of our tendencies to either avoid or cede control to chaos. Too much of either one is problematic, yet in proper balance an ordered life (open to periodic chaos) is a productive life and allows us to make ourselves in the image of the Divine.

Everything has a place in time and space.

Edith Brotman

I love this so much!! I read this well over a year ago and it came back to me as writing this blog post – I had to go look it up and share my favorite parts. πŸ™‚

But I digress. My point here is this – what if nothing has gone wrong when things are a mess?

And what if mess, whatever that looks like, doesn’t have to mean anything about you?

In my opinion, what makes mess so painful is what we make it mean about us, which often comes up in the form of asking ourselves disempowering questions, such as:

What’s wrong with me?

Why can’t I get it together?

And thinking in general that things should be different than they are.

But what if we could say yes to it all?

Yes to the chaos, and yes to the order.

Chaos is part of order.

As Marie Kondo says in the intro of her Netflix series, “I LOVE mess!!”

That seriously blew my mind when I heard her say that, and it changed my life from that moment forward.

She LOVES mess? How can you LOVE mess?!

It was then that I realized I didn’t love mess. At all. I liked the end result of clean and organized. But, this was in large part because of all the things I was making any mess mean about me.

This is still something I’m working on, but here is one thing I know for sure…the messes in our lives mean nothing about us. We are just as worthy and valuable and capable whether things are “clean and organized” or whether they are a “big, hot mess.”

What if that’s true?

What would it be like for you to love mess?

πŸ’• Deise

P.S. I love the saying, ‘Where the mind goes, energy flows.” Even our thoughts need ordering. “The word of ordering, carving out time and space, asks us to clean out, pull apart, and then examine all the structures and habits of our lives. Creating order is about making space; it is an act of creation. At first, putting things together may feel a lot like taking things apart.” Edith Brotman

If you’d like help bring more order to your thoughts and in turn to your life, book a free session with me!! The pilot program I’ve been doing is coming to an end next week, and I have spots opening starting the week after that. I’ll help you understand where you are now and where you want to go, including any obstacles that are in your way. We will talk about what your problem is and how to solve it. Click here to book now; and if none of the available spots work for you, message me with your availability and I’ll do my best to find a time that works for both of us!

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Do You Really Want It?

I want you to take a moment to think about your current goals.

Focus on one goal you are working toward – one goal you say you really want – and let’s take a moment to consider how bad you really want it and how much you really believe in your ability to create that result for yourself.

Are you taking action that is moving you toward that goal?

Your actions yesterday, this week, last week, and today (without exception), tell you exactly where you are in your belief.

Stacey Boehman

When we believe we are going to achieve our desired outcome, we take action. Massive action.

When we don’t believe…we “talk about talking action, think about taking action, learn about taking action, watch others take action…but very rarely take action ourselves.” – Stacey Boehman

If you see yourself in this space of not taking action, consider that perhaps it is because you are not believing it’s possible. Not really.

And then allow yourself to get curious about that.

Ask yourself, “Why don’t I want this? What are my competing desires?”

And, more specifically, consider what all the “Ya, but…” sentences are that come up when you think about your moving towards that goal.

Let me share a personal example.

For the longest time I wanted to go more all in with my coaching dream.

From roughly July of 2015 through August of 2017, I was an independent Beachbody coach. I wasn’t huge on selling Beachbody products, but I LOVED the mindset aspect of the coaching experience. I did a LOT of free groups and coaching without requiring any sort of product purchase. At the same time, I didn’t manage or prioritize my time well, and too often I let that part of my life bleed into other parts of my life – like sleep or family time. I hadn’t really figured out how to help others and do what I loved without depleting myself in the process.

In the fall of 2017, I decided what I really wanted was to have my own coaching practice focused on mindset, and I also decided that I wanted to scale back and create space for me to get to know myself better, for me to learn more about the mind and how to help others make the changes the desired, and for me to learn how to hold space and more effectively coach myself and others.

And so, in December of 2018, I joined Self Coaching Scholars, which is an amazing program offered by Brooke Castillo through The Life Coach School.

At the same time, I was hugely interested in her Certification program. I clicked on the link to apply and was super bummed to discover it was already sold out (9 months before it was supposed to happen!). But, I’d read somewhere about the importance of living into the future you want – acting like it’s happening even if you don’t know how. So, I put it on my calendar. As if I was going. Even though, as of then, I wasn’t.

And then, during that very first month of Scholars, do you know what happened?

For the first time ever, they opened up a second training.

It was like magic. Like a dream come true.

And then, the mandatory information call for it was scheduled during my son’s birthday party.

There was no way I was going to miss that.

But you know what?

I really wanted both, so I found a way.

My husband was at work, and he was able to listen to it for me to get all the details while I was at the party.

And then, as soon as I got home, I went online to put down my $1K deposit to secure my application.

I got to the question about “What are the reasons you want to be accepted to the Coach Certification Program?” And, as I wrote out my reasons, I realized in that moment that I didn’t like my reasons. That I was expecting to “get” something out of coach training as opposed to being centered in what I would give to the training, to myself, and to my business.

And so, I didn’t sign-up. Turns out, I didn’t really want it then. And that was okay.

Even so, I left the dates of the original training on my calendar. Cause I still wanted it, and I still wanted it to be possible for me. And I continued on with Self Coaching Scholars.

Fast forward a few months to April, May, and June.

I got pregnant.

I made a lot of mental shifts in my mind.

I started thinking about how that fall really would have been the perfect time for me to get certified and start my business – cause I get super attached to my babies and knew I would not want to leave for an 6-day in-person certification training probably until baby was at least 1 (maybe 2!). And, did I really want to wait a whole ‘nother year or more to make this happen??

And yet, I had this hold up – these fears that were getting in my way.

I was quite afraid that going after my coaching dream would come at the expense of my family.

That it would be a trade-off to other things that were important to me.

That I’d look back with regret.

All of that? All of that was the stuff getting in my way.

And then I heard Brooke coach someone on a similar situation. They were talking about how they had to do all these other things before they could do the thing they really wanted to do. And Brooke had asked why they didn’t just start with the thing they really wanted.

I totally saw this in myself. I had lots of things I felt I needed to be doing first. My house needed to be more organized. My time needed to better managed. I needed more routine and structure. I needed to spend more quality time with my kids. My marriage wasn’t the best it could be. My personal life needed to be in order before I could justify going after my coaching dream.

And this gal Brooke was coaching had similar objections. Objections about time and a fear of “losing herself” and having it all come at the “expense” of “more important things.”

And then Brooke said a few things that were super powerful for me.

First, that losing ourselves is always up to us, because we are always the ones choosing how we spend our time. That’s something we can 100% control. It’s not something that happens to us.

Second, this idea that maybe going after the thing we really want is what has us figuring out that other stuff that is important to us that we think we have to do “first.”

And, third, that when we are in a place of fear, we’re probably already living our fears. And, if that is true, why not go after what we really want?

I realized that it wasn’t either/or. It was and. I could go after my coaching dream and become more of the person I want to be in my personal life, in my marriage, in my home, and in my community. AND, I also realized that I was already creating evidence for my fears – cause for sure all the time I spent thinking about doing it or not was not serving me or my family.

And from that space of belief, after working through all the drama I had around being able to afford it (more on that later!), I sent an email on June 1, 2018, requesting to be accepted into the Coach Certification program. I liked my reasons now, and I felt ready. I believed in myself, and I was willing to bet on me.

Knowing there was a huge wait list, it seemed chances were probably slim that I’d get in. And yet, I still kept those dates on my calendar, and I kept believing in the possibility.

Six days later, I got an email saying a spot opened and it was mine for the taking if I wanted it.

And all of a sudden it was really, really real. Twice now I had seemingly miraculous things happen opening up the opportunity for me to go. In my mind, it was now or never, and this time, I said yes. Not just to coaching, but to all of it.

I’m reflecting on this now because turns out, a little over a year later, I’m going through all this same drama on another level, in a different but similar circumstance.

I’m been through the training now. I’m a certified coach. I’m building my business. And I’m at the point now of putting myself out there more and more for paying clients.

And as I go to each next step, the same stuff comes up. The thought of “Will I be able to do this?” And the lingering fear of “What if I can’t do it?”

I have an income goal for my coaching business for this year. And yet, I’ve noticed I’ve been in the space of not believing it’s possible. Of believing that it is a “trade-off” for other things that are important to me.

Two coaching sessions in a row now, one of my coaches has pointed out how my brain keeps spitting out the “Ya, but…” sentences. SO fascinating.

Ya, I want [this], but…

Here’s the thing…the “ya, buts” mean we don’t really want what we say we want. We actually want something else more.

And there is nothing wrong with that. It’s just important to tell ourselves the truth about where we are and then really decide consciously if that actually is what we want or not.

Can we be really honest with ourselves here?

For me, I’ve been in this place of, “Ya, I want to make money as a life coach, but maybe I can’t really do that without losing control of my time.”

This is so fascinating to me as I write it out, because it seems so much less believable when I get it outside of my head. Ha!

But, I digress. The reason I am writing this for you today is because I want to share with you the reminder that has shifted everything for me, again, just as it did a little over a year ago.

And that is this:

When I focused on what I really want to create, I figure out the time.

So the work, then, is in really deciding what it is we want to create. In really believing that we can do it and that it is possible and that we can make it happen.

Let’s go back now to your goal.

Is it something you really want to create?

And, if you TRULY desired to make that goal happen and you believed it was possible…then what?

What thoughts would you focus on? And what kind of action would that inspire you to take?

Can you trust in your ability to figure the rest out?

What if it IS possible for you my friend?

What if?

πŸ’• Deise

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Coming to Terms with Reality

If you’ve been following my blog, you may be aware that I am currently working on a reading lesson goal with my oldest son.

The first two days were magic. The second two days were the opposite of that. And the days since then have been milder highs and lows. πŸ™‚

But, I wanted to share THE biggest thing that has been helping me with this goal. And that is coming to terms with reality. Accepting what is instead of resisting it.

Let me explain.

I kept noticing myself having all these thoughts and expectations about my son. How he should be more focused and less distracted. How it “shouldn’t” take as long as it does. How I “should” be able to manage things better to resolve these aforementioned problems.

And then, I realized through some coaching that what was really happening was that I had a manual for my son. I was wanting him to be different than he is. I was inadvertently trying to control him in various ways, and in the process was setting some unrealistic expectations for both of us. And, of course, that was creating all kinds of unnecessary problems for me.

When I realized this, I was able to pause and remind myself that things should be exactly as they are.

OF COURSE he is going to get distracted at times. He’s 5 years old. I’m 6 times his age and I still struggle with getting distracted at times.

OF COURSE he is going to want to ask lots of questions and talk to me about other things as much as possible. He’s a curious boy he loves to figure things out.

OF COURSE he is going to want to do other things besides his reading lesson at times.

OF COURSE he’s going to feel tired and want to quit when he feels like it’s hard.

OF COURSE.

And what if that can be 100% okay?

What if I expected things to be exactly as they are and then planned accordingly?

What if I don’t have to change anything about him to change the experience of it all?

What if the only thing that really matters for me is the energy I bring to the table?

I like to joke with my husband about how I am definitely not a home school type mom. Ha!

These types of activities are hard for me.

And yet, it’s important to me to finish what we started, even when it’s hard.

The couple of days where it was especially hard – I wanted to quit. Change the goal.

My brain spat out, “If it’s going to be like this, it’s not worth it. I can’t be this person.”

And then I remembered…me being that person was on me.

It’s not cause of the reading lesson or my son’s behavior or anything else.

And that wasn’t a good reason to quit…cause all this same issues will just come up with the next goal.

It became, “We ARE doing this goal, AND I’m not going to be this person.”

And that started with not expecting my son to be different than he is.

It’s a practice of focusing my brain on ME and MY behavior.

It’s a practice of focusing my brain on the things I CAN control instead of focusing on the things I CAN’T control.

If you have a goal you are working on where you are feeling frustration when it comes to other people’s behavior, I invite you to consider how much of your thinking is focused on their behavior vs. your own.

How can you bring more focus to the things you CAN control?

πŸ’• Deise

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Apologetic Energy and A Thank You Challenge

Today, I have an awareness challenge for you. πŸ™‚

As you move throughout your week, pay attention to every time you say “Sorry” to someone, no matter the reason.

Additionally, pay attention to anytime you are showing up in apologetic energy, meaning anytime you are acting from the place of not wanting to “bother someone” or “be a bother.” That is, anytime it feels as though you are in an apologetic place even though you aren’t actually saying the specific words of “I’m sorry.”

And, here’s why…

“Being overly apologetic can lead a person to start feeling guilty about being themselves. The power of words and self-conditioning with them is a capable thing, and the more you say sorry, the more you are likely to feel guilty when there is no need for that. Of course, simple politeness goes a long way, but in this case, that’s not what we’re talking about here.”

Source: Bored Panda Article by Dainius

Once you’ve raised your awareness around how this habit of apologizing may be showing up for you in your life, challenge yourself to see if you can turn “sorry” into “thank you.”

For example…

“Sorry I’m late.” can become “Thank you for your patience.”

“Sorry, I’m not making a lot of sense.” or “Sorry, I’m just rambling.” can become “Thank you so much for listening.”

“Sorry, I’m kind of a drag.” or “Sorry I’m wasting your time” can become “Thank you for spending your time with me.”

“I’m sorry to bother you.” can become “Thank you for helping me out.” and “I really appreciate your time.”

You get the idea!

Next, consider:

How is saying sorry and/or apologetic energy showing up in your life?

How often do you apologize when it really isn’t necessary?

How many of those sorry’s can you turn into thank you’s?

How can you shift apologetic energy into appreciative energy?

And last but not least…

How does making these small shifts change how you feel and how you show up in your life?

I’d love to hear!

And thank you so much for your time reading this post. πŸ˜‰

πŸ’• Deise

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