You’re Already Her

One thing I’ve always wanted??

To be more flexible.

I remember back to like the 5th or 6th grade when they would have us do those presidential tests or whatever they were called in PE. (Anyone else know what I’m talking about?!?)

You know – where they had you do a series of different tests and then you got a ribbon or award or something depending on where you fell in the numbers… I seem to recall blue was the best?? But it is all very vague in my memory and I may, in fact, have all of the details completely wrong. 😆😂

What I do remember quite clearly, though, is how I felt the first time I DIDN’T get the highest level award for my fitness.

I remember the toe touching stretch… me sitting on the ground in front of the box with the ruler on it, with my legs stretched out in front of me and leaning forward with my hands to see how far up the ruler I could reach.

And I remember that no matter how hard I tried or how hard I pushed, I couldn’t reach the required mark on the ruler.

I remember, too, the first time I couldn’t do all the pull-ups or climb the rope and touch the knot at the top.

I remember the embarrassment I felt with peers watching and all the shame and disappointment around “not good enough.”

And I remember taking on the beliefs of “not flexible,” “not strong,” and “not athletic” from that point forward.

Like as if these were character traits – ones that made me “less than” – and not a changeable thing. 😆

Like “Hi, My name is Deise. I have brown eyes and I’m not flexible.”

But that IS how I saw it. And, as a result, dreaded PE classes and limited my involvement in sports and physical activity as much as possible. Volleyball and clogging were the only exceptions. But even those were filled with lots of stress and anxiety.

f course, limiting my involvement led to less flexibility, less strength, and less athletic ability… eventually culminating in major lower back issues near the end of my first pregnancy and beyond. 😆

That’s how self fulfilling prophecy works.

I still don’t identify with these words as the primary descriptors for me. And what’s amazing is even when I was really active in Beachbody coaching and really fitting that “mold” even more, I still didn’t see myself this way. I was more fit and strong and flexible and athletic than I’ve ever been (and still am pretty fit!). But rather than seeing myself as strong, fit, flexible, and athletic, you know where my brain went??

“You’re a fraud.”

“You’re a fraud because you look like all these things, but you’re really not.”

“You’re deceiving people.”

Thoughts like these are why most changes don’t last. Because we change the actions and the outside appearance, but without a change in the underlying belief system about ourselves and who we are as a person, it’s mentally too uncomfortable to stay there.

Something has to give.

Either the actions have to give to align with the original beliefs about self (hello self-sabotage!), or the beliefs about self have to shift to align with the new actions / results / perception of reality.

What I know now is that these thoughts are just a sign of cognitive dissonance, meaning there are sets of beliefs in the brain that contradict each other.

What I’m playing with in my mind, too, is that perhaps it is also that one set of beliefs has been claimed, but the other has not…

The idea of duality in all things… that idea we are everything and nothing all at once.

The idea that you can’t have strength without weakness, or weakness without strength. Two sides of the same coin.

The idea that you can’t have good without bad or lightness without darkness.

I actually find it really empowering sometimes to believe BOTH, in a way that neither are triggering.

The issue isn’t that I’m not strong or flexible or athletic.

The issue is that I have a tendency to claim the ways that I am NOT all of those, while also having a tendency to deny the ways I AM all of those.

Because I think I am NOT by default… believing anything else will feel “fradulent” at first and my brain will want to self sabotage back to what I already believe about myself on default.

Where this really got me was when I thought about my sisters who played sports in high school. No matter what they do or don’t do, they will always be “athletic” in my mind. 🧐🤨🤔

Fascinating, right??

Identifying myself as strong and fit and flexible and athletic and active – ultimately that is a mindset shift – and it STARTS with claiming the ways that I ALREADY AM and have been those things all along.

This is something I’ve been working on since January of this year, when I first noticed (or perhaps re-noticed?) some of the underlying beliefs I had about myself.

And before changing a thing… I started to shift my mindset just by starting to notice and claim and own the ways I ALREADY WAS the way I wanted to be.

This squat in the picture included with this post… one could make it mean that I am flexible… or that I am not so flexible… depending on who or what you compare to. (It is for sure a stretch for me to get here and I can’t maintain balance for more than a few seconds before I tip over. LOL.)

I am flexible. And I am not. It’s really easy for me to claim the latter. And I’m in the process of really claiming and owning the former. 😉

Whatever it is you want to see more of in yourself – start first with seeing the ways that you ALREADY ARE it.

You are already her.

Reclaim it and own it.

And then keep building more evidence for it, little by little, day by day…

Until one day you wake up, and you notice it just IS how you think about yourself on default.

💕 Deise

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“Your Only Job Is to Get Really Clear About What You Want”

I went to an event earlier this month that touched me in a really powerful way.

It was a networking event, and another life coach spoke on setting goals and putting plans into action.

My biggest take-away from her speech was this:

YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO GET REALLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.

It was a such a good reminder to me about how simple it is to create a life we love – as simple as asking ourselves “What do I want?” and “What would I love?!” and then coming from that place as we move forward and take action in our lives.

Of course, just because something is simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.

If you identify as a people pleaser and perfectionist, chances are that you tend to experience a lot of guilt and shame when it comes to wanting.

It wasn’t always this way, of course.

As kids, we all lived with our hearts wide open. We knew what we wanted and we communicated that, though perhaps not always in a way preferred by the adults in our lives. 😉 Lol.

But then, as time went on, we adopted beliefs, fears, culture, experience, and so on that got in the way of wanting being easy for us.

Here’s some examples of things we may believe about wanting:

1️⃣ Wanting is scary. There’s no guarantee I’ll get what I want or be able to make it happen.

2️⃣ I shouldn’t want.

… Wanting is “selfish.”

… Wanting is indulgent or “childish.”

… Wanting is ungrateful. I should be more grateful for what I have.

3️⃣ If I want something, I need to be able to justify it somehow.

4️⃣ I never get what I want.

5️⃣ I don’t know what I want.

These limiting beliefs can keep us from wanting or make it hard for us to want.

When we clear out the beliefs we have about wanting that aren’t helping us, we open the door for being able to want more, which leads to us creating more of what we want in our lives. And who doesn’t want that?!

This process also helps us connect more with ourselves and our own hearts. In my opinion, that’s all any of us really wants, anyways. Everything comes back to how we feel.

But I digress.

For now, I want you to take away just one simple thing – and that is this…

“An important part of having what we want is knowing what we want and learning to want. Wanting is the magic!!” – Molly Claire

Let’s repeat that last bit…

WANTING is the magic.

When we create our lives from a place of being grounded and centered in what we truly want – that’s when we have alignment and steady momentum to move us forward.

That’s when we create what we WANT in our lives.

I can’t wait to share more with you on this topic. Until then, notice how you feel about wanting.

What comes up for you?

I’d love to hear.

💕 Deise

Do you struggle with wanting? With knowing what you want, or doing what you want, or feeling like you should or shouldn’t want this or that?

I know the struggle. My brain on default leans toward perfectionist and people pleasing mindsets that having me doing things I think I should want… and then beating myself up for not doing them. Which is why it is so important for me to be the watcher of my brain and decide on purpose who I want to be and how I want to show up in my life.

Coaching has transformed my life because I have tools (and coaches!!) to support me in getting clarity about what I want, to connect with myself more – my own heart and my own voice, and to unpack all the guilt and shame that gets in the way of me being able to align with and do what it is that I really want to do. To want what I want and really give myself permission to be all in on that.

I LITERALLY physically made myself sick last year working through some of these mindsets. I was sick more last year than I have been in YEARS before that. It was not always easy. But dang, was it worth it. My growth has been explosive the past year (and even just the past month!!).

I love my life so much more than I even did before.

Course that doesn’t mean I love every little thing in my life 100%. But I keep raising the water level of where my average vibe lies.

Working with coaches I love has made all the difference. I get coached at a minimum of twice a week (sometimes more!!) and I do my own coaching.

I used to think change takes forever… turns out that was only the only case when I believed I needed to be able to figure it out all on my own… too ashamed to ask for help. 

Having outside, loving perspective is powerful.

If you relate to any of this, please know that you do not need to figure it out all on your own.

Your “secrets” are not shameful, and neither are you. And, it is SO. MUCH. MORE. FUN. to make the changes you want when you don’t have to do it all alone and when you are working with a coach (or two!) you love (or any other person you choose to help support you!!).

Would you love to work with me?!

Chances are I’d love to work with you, too. 😉

There is no way to no for sure if we’re a fit without getting on a call to talk about what you want and how I can help you – and answer any questions you have.

Take the first step. Move through that fear. Give yourself the gift of support beyond yourself.

All the love and joy you crave starts in creating a magnetic relationship with YOURSELF.

Of course, it doesn’t end there. The more you trust you have your own back and know that nobody can hurt you emotionally but you… the more you realize you can handle any emotion… the more you LOVE being in your own body… the more you are willing to put yourself out there to do the “scary” things, and the more you can open your heart to the world and express yourself in the way you most deeply desire.

Start with YOU. So you can connect with and follow your own heart. Whatever that looks like for YOU.

“It takes courage to grow up and be who you REALLY are.” E.E. Cummings.

That’s been one of my favorite quotes for years.

We’re always going to have fears. Courage helps us move through them and act from what we WANT instead of from what we fear.

And, when we act from what we WANT… we create what we want.

It feels like magic, but it’s not. 😉

When you’re ready, book a free consult here: bookme.name/coachingwithdeise/free-consult.

See you there!!

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Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Broken?

I’ve been thinking lately about the idea of wholeness… in part because of a book I started reading (“The Soul of Money”) and in part because of this quote, “We’re all broken; that’s how the light gets in.”

I used to love that quote… back when I believed I was broken.

Now?

Now it doesn’t sit well with me.

It doesn’t serve me to believe I’m broken.

So, here’s what I choose to believe instead…

That we are all whole.

That not even one person is broken.

That the light doesn’t need to get in… because it is always already WITHIN.

And we don’t need to be broken for the light to get out, either.

The more connected we are to ourselves, the brighter the light just GLOWS.

From the INSIDE out.

It lights us up and has us experiencing our lives more and more with that sense of wholeness that we ALREADY are.

As the light glows brighter, it is naturally shared with others.

Feeling broken doesn’t mean we are actually broken. It simply means we aren’t connected to the wholeness that we already are.

You are worthy and whole, no matter what my friend.

NO. MATTER. WHAT.

You already have all the light you need within you.  The trick is in letting it OUT.

And the secret ingredient?

The secret ingredient is always love.

What walls do you have around your heart that are BLOCKING your light and your love from being expressed in the way that you desire?

What fears are holding you back?

And what would it be like if you didn’t have to work so hard to protect that big, beautiful heart of yours?

For years, my password to almost everything was some variation of the word “Heartbroken” – even when I otherwise seemed “happy” and in love.

We may genuinely think we are broken sometimes.  

We may genuinely believe that there is something wrong with us or that we are not enough or that we are broken.  

We may feel the pain of these things so deeply that they must be true…

But thinking these things are true doesn’t mean they are actually true.

We experience these things as true ONLY when we believe them to be true.

NOT because they are actually true.

I absolutely love this little graphic from Danielle LaPorte, because it so clearly illustrates how what we believe about ourselves affects what else we think, feel, and do in our lives.  

I invite you to take two minutes today to do this exercise for yourself and then choose consciously – on purpose – how you want to think about yourself going forward.

Notice how what you believe about yourself affects how you show up and how you experience your life.

Are you broken?

Or are you whole?

You get to decide – no matter what I or anyone else thinks.

Your opinion of you is the only one that really matters.

I invite you to see yourself as WHOLE. No matter what. Exactly as you are.

And then, I invite you to shine YOUR light, from the INSIDE out.

Little by little.

Because YOU matter!!

And because LOVE feels amazing. 🥰

💕 Deise

P.S.  This doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy basking in the light of others.  It just means we don’t NEED something outside of us to make us whole. 

P.P.S. The work that I do is all about helping moms see themselves as complete and whole, exactly as they are.  

It’s about helping moms tap into their sufficiency and the power they already have within them, so that they can create a life that is fueled primarily by love and passion, rather than being fueled mostly by stress, pressure, and overwhelm. 

This inner work is so important, because it impacts literally every other area of our lives, including our relationships with our husband and kids (and others!!), our physical health, our ability to have fun in life, and the way we spend our time.  

Seeing ourselves as whole and living from a place of sufficiency allows us to create so much more of what we truly desire in our lives… and to feel as good about it on the inside as it looks on the outside.

If we want to deepen our connection with others and expand our impact, we must first deepen our connection with ourselves.

I can help you with this.  Simply click here to send me a message with any questions you have and I’ll get right back to you.

When you’re ready to take this work to the next level, simply click the button below to learn more about what it would be like to work with me as your private 1:1 coach.

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You Can Believe Whatever You Want to Believe About Yourself

Lately I’ve been thinking about the tendency we have, as humans, to label ourselves (and others).

I was reading a post by a fellow coach and noticing that I could identify with everything she was writing about.

She is a coach for people with ADHD.

All of a sudden my brain was like, “Woah, what?!  Am I ADHD?!”

And, similarly, when I was doing research on OCD and discovered perfectionism is a form of OCD, my brain was like, “Say what?!  Am I OCD?!”

To both questions, I had remind my brain “Nope, for sure not.”

Cause here’s the thing…doesn’t matter if someone else thinks I am ADHD or OCD or if I actually am or not…doesn’t matter if it could be argued that it is true that I am.

Doesn’t matter.

What matters is what I believe about myself and whether or not that is serving me.

I see absolutely no upside to believing I am ADHD or OCD.  There is no sense of relief or freedom for me – only limitation – so I won’t be taking on either of these labels as beliefs about myself.

Now, this doesn’t mean that these labels have this same affect on others. This is simply my experience of these labels. And my experience of them is what matters for me.

In a similar manner, I’ve been looking at labels I have taken on in my life.

I used to label myself as a perfectionist. It was a label I even wore proudly for a LOOOOONG time.  Ha!

Then, earlier this year, I realized in a big way how many problems identifying as a perfectionist was causing for me. 🤯

I realized that perfectionism includes a lot of beating myself up that I didn’t even realize I was doing.

I realized that perfectionism involves a lot of unnecessary fear.

I realized that identifying as a perfectionist was holding me back.  It wasn’t serving me.

And so, after a bit of an identity crisis (the good kind, ha!), I decided that I’m no longer going to label myself as a perfectionist.

Yes. Just like that.  I decided.

Because I get to think whatever I want to think about myself.  No one can stop me.  And whether it’s true or not doesn’t actually matter.

What matters is that what I choose to think is true ultimately lays the blueprint for my future.

I used to see myself as a perfectionist. Now, I see myself as a high achiever.

It’s a subtle difference, but it is EVERYTHING.  

High achievers are more forgiving and kind to themselves than perfectionists.

High achievers live a life less paralyzed by fear.

High achievers find more joy in the journey.

I’m not a recovering perfectionist.  I’m not overcoming perfectionism.

I’m a high achiever. And every day, I become more and more of a high achiever.

Same thing you think?

It’s not!!

The difference is subtle, but it is everything.

The former focuses on the past; the latter focuses on the future.

What we focus on expands.

And how we feel about what we are focused on matters most.

Telling myself I’m a recovering perfectionist leaves me feeling like I’m lacking.  Like something is wrong with me.  I feel inadequate and “less than.” I feel limited. For me, those feelings drive inaction and spinning in my head.

Telling myself I’m becoming a high achiever fuels me with possibility.  With excitement.

And that?  THAT is everything my friends.

How do you label yourself?

Is it serving you?

How do you feel when you think about yourself that way?

What actions (or inactions) do those feelings drive?

Are those behaviors creating the type of future you desire for yourself?

If not, I have great news for you.

You get to believe whatever you want to believe about yourself.

And, when you change what you believe, that will change how you feel, what you do, and what kind of life you create for yourself.

What do you want to believe about you?

You can choose anything my friend!

And then you can look for evidence that supports those beliefs while also going about creating more evidence to support them. 😉

 💕 Deise

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