There’s a lot of talk in the self-help world about “finding your why” and having a “compelling reason.”
This is something that used to hang me up, because I felt like my “why” and my “compelling reasons” were pretty important to me, and yet, they didn’t seem to be helping me make the changes I wanted to make.
Do you ever feel like this?!
And then I learned that we actually always have a compelling reason.
When we are unable to make the changes we seek, it is simply because our current reason for the actions we are taking is more compelling to us than our reason for change.
Why is this important to know?
First, we don’t pause to understand what our current compelling reason is.
And second, we don’t question whether or not our reason for change is actually compelling to us.
These are two separate topics, so purposes of this post, let’s focus on the second one.
Earlier this year, in a coaching session I had with another coach, I was asked about my reasons for becoming a certified life coach and building a life coaching business.
My response was because life coaching makes me a better wife and mom.
My coach challenged me on this. She asked me how it FELT.
I paused to think about this.
Honestly…NOT that great. Which totally surprised me. It was not that compelling for me, for sure. It felt like lack for me. Like I needed to be better than I was.
And, the pattern I noticed when I told myself this was why I was doing it was that I would see myself taking actions that left me thinking, even more so than before, that I needed to be better than I was.
So my coach explored my reasons with me some more.
Why did I become a certified life coach? Why did I want to build a life coaching business?
And I discovered my reason was actually quite simple.
My reason was, and is, because I want to coach.
Now, immediately, my brain wanted to think that this is selfish… that I needed to have a “better reason” or that somehow my reason needed to be more “noble” or in some way be about my family or the people I’m serving.
But this reason – that I want to coach – this reason FELT freeing. It felt like clarity. It felt inspiring. It came from a place of “enough.” Of abundance. And it made we want to TAKE ACTION that would move me FORWARD.
Telling myself I was doing it so I could be a better wife and mom wasn’t serving me. It was coming from a place of “not enough.” And it wasn’t helping me create the result I wanted.
It is also interesting to note that this reason of coaching simply because I want to serves my family so much more than the reason that sounded like it was about my family, because I’m no longer trying to be “better” and I’m no longer trying to prove something or feeling like I need a “good reason” (or rather, a reason that sounds good) to do what I want to do.
I’m enough as I am as a wife and as a mom. Exactly as I am. “Flaws” and all. And I can go after things I want to do just because I want to do them. I don’t need a “better” or more “noble” sounding reason. How it feels is what matters most. And thinking in this way actually makes it easier for me to show up as the wife and mom and woman that I want to be.
Whatever reason you are giving yourself for change, if it isn’t compelling you to take action that moves you forward toward that goal, I invite you to check your reason.
Ask yourself what your reason is. And then ask yourself how it feels.
If it doesn’t feel great…if it isn’t compelling you to take action…explore that more…and consider if maybe that’s not actually your reason.
What’s a reason to do it that feels truly compelling to you?