If you’ve been following my blog, you may be aware that I am currently working on a reading lesson goal with my oldest son.
The first two days were magic. The second two days were the opposite of that. And the days since then have been milder highs and lows. 🙂
But, I wanted to share THE biggest thing that has been helping me with this goal. And that is coming to terms with reality. Accepting what is instead of resisting it.
Let me explain.
I kept noticing myself having all these thoughts and expectations about my son. How he should be more focused and less distracted. How it “shouldn’t” take as long as it does. How I “should” be able to manage things better to resolve these aforementioned problems.
And then, I realized through some coaching that what was really happening was that I had a manual for my son. I was wanting him to be different than he is. I was inadvertently trying to control him in various ways, and in the process was setting some unrealistic expectations for both of us. And, of course, that was creating all kinds of unnecessary problems for me.
When I realized this, I was able to pause and remind myself that things should be exactly as they are.
OF COURSE he is going to get distracted at times. He’s 5 years old. I’m 6 times his age and I still struggle with getting distracted at times.
OF COURSE he is going to want to ask lots of questions and talk to me about other things as much as possible. He’s a curious boy he loves to figure things out.
OF COURSE he is going to want to do other things besides his reading lesson at times.
OF COURSE he’s going to feel tired and want to quit when he feels like it’s hard.
And what if that can be 100% okay?
What if I expected things to be exactly as they are and then planned accordingly?
What if I don’t have to change anything about him to change the experience of it all?
What if the only thing that really matters for me is the energy I bring to the table?
I like to joke with my husband about how I am definitely not a home school type mom. Ha!
These types of activities are hard for me.
And yet, it’s important to me to finish what we started, even when it’s hard.
The couple of days where it was especially hard – I wanted to quit. Change the goal.
My brain spat out, “If it’s going to be like this, it’s not worth it. I can’t be this person.”
And then I remembered…me being that person was on me.
It’s not cause of the reading lesson or my son’s behavior or anything else.
And that wasn’t a good reason to quit…cause all this same issues will just come up with the next goal.
It became, “We ARE doing this goal, AND I’m not going to be this person.”
And that started with not expecting my son to be different than he is.
It’s a practice of focusing my brain on ME and MY behavior.
It’s a practice of focusing my brain on the things I CAN control instead of focusing on the things I CAN’T control.
If you have a goal you are working on where you are feeling frustration when it comes to other people’s behavior, I invite you to consider how much of your thinking is focused on their behavior vs. your own.
How can you bring more focus to the things you CAN control?