Do You Really Want It?

I want you to take a moment to think about your current goals.

Focus on one goal you are working toward – one goal you say you really want – and let’s take a moment to consider how bad you really want it and how much you really believe in your ability to create that result for yourself.

Are you taking action that is moving you toward that goal?

Your actions yesterday, this week, last week, and today (without exception), tell you exactly where you are in your belief.

Stacey Boehman

When we believe we are going to achieve our desired outcome, we take action. Massive action.

When we don’t believe…we “talk about talking action, think about taking action, learn about taking action, watch others take action…but very rarely take action ourselves.” – Stacey Boehman

If you see yourself in this space of not taking action, consider that perhaps it is because you are not believing it’s possible. Not really.

And then allow yourself to get curious about that.

Ask yourself, “Why don’t I want this? What are my competing desires?”

And, more specifically, consider what all the “Ya, but…” sentences are that come up when you think about your moving towards that goal.

Let me share a personal example.

For the longest time I wanted to go more all in with my coaching dream.

From roughly July of 2015 through August of 2017, I was an independent Beachbody coach. I wasn’t huge on selling Beachbody products, but I LOVED the mindset aspect of the coaching experience. I did a LOT of free groups and coaching without requiring any sort of product purchase. At the same time, I didn’t manage or prioritize my time well, and too often I let that part of my life bleed into other parts of my life – like sleep or family time. I hadn’t really figured out how to help others and do what I loved without depleting myself in the process.

In the fall of 2017, I decided what I really wanted was to have my own coaching practice focused on mindset, and I also decided that I wanted to scale back and create space for me to get to know myself better, for me to learn more about the mind and how to help others make the changes the desired, and for me to learn how to hold space and more effectively coach myself and others.

And so, in December of 2018, I joined Self Coaching Scholars, which is an amazing program offered by Brooke Castillo through The Life Coach School.

At the same time, I was hugely interested in her Certification program. I clicked on the link to apply and was super bummed to discover it was already sold out (9 months before it was supposed to happen!). But, I’d read somewhere about the importance of living into the future you want – acting like it’s happening even if you don’t know how. So, I put it on my calendar. As if I was going. Even though, as of then, I wasn’t.

And then, during that very first month of Scholars, do you know what happened?

For the first time ever, they opened up a second training.

It was like magic. Like a dream come true.

And then, the mandatory information call for it was scheduled during my son’s birthday party.

There was no way I was going to miss that.

But you know what?

I really wanted both, so I found a way.

My husband was at work, and he was able to listen to it for me to get all the details while I was at the party.

And then, as soon as I got home, I went online to put down my $1K deposit to secure my application.

I got to the question about “What are the reasons you want to be accepted to the Coach Certification Program?” And, as I wrote out my reasons, I realized in that moment that I didn’t like my reasons. That I was expecting to “get” something out of coach training as opposed to being centered in what I would give to the training, to myself, and to my business.

And so, I didn’t sign-up. Turns out, I didn’t really want it then. And that was okay.

Even so, I left the dates of the original training on my calendar. Cause I still wanted it, and I still wanted it to be possible for me. And I continued on with Self Coaching Scholars.

Fast forward a few months to April, May, and June.

I got pregnant.

I made a lot of mental shifts in my mind.

I started thinking about how that fall really would have been the perfect time for me to get certified and start my business – cause I get super attached to my babies and knew I would not want to leave for an 6-day in-person certification training probably until baby was at least 1 (maybe 2!). And, did I really want to wait a whole ‘nother year or more to make this happen??

And yet, I had this hold up – these fears that were getting in my way.

I was quite afraid that going after my coaching dream would come at the expense of my family.

That it would be a trade-off to other things that were important to me.

That I’d look back with regret.

All of that? All of that was the stuff getting in my way.

And then I heard Brooke coach someone on a similar situation. They were talking about how they had to do all these other things before they could do the thing they really wanted to do. And Brooke had asked why they didn’t just start with the thing they really wanted.

I totally saw this in myself. I had lots of things I felt I needed to be doing first. My house needed to be more organized. My time needed to better managed. I needed more routine and structure. I needed to spend more quality time with my kids. My marriage wasn’t the best it could be. My personal life needed to be in order before I could justify going after my coaching dream.

And this gal Brooke was coaching had similar objections. Objections about time and a fear of “losing herself” and having it all come at the “expense” of “more important things.”

And then Brooke said a few things that were super powerful for me.

First, that losing ourselves is always up to us, because we are always the ones choosing how we spend our time. That’s something we can 100% control. It’s not something that happens to us.

Second, this idea that maybe going after the thing we really want is what has us figuring out that other stuff that is important to us that we think we have to do “first.”

And, third, that when we are in a place of fear, we’re probably already living our fears. And, if that is true, why not go after what we really want?

I realized that it wasn’t either/or. It was and. I could go after my coaching dream and become more of the person I want to be in my personal life, in my marriage, in my home, and in my community. AND, I also realized that I was already creating evidence for my fears – cause for sure all the time I spent thinking about doing it or not was not serving me or my family.

And from that space of belief, after working through all the drama I had around being able to afford it (more on that later!), I sent an email on June 1, 2018, requesting to be accepted into the Coach Certification program. I liked my reasons now, and I felt ready. I believed in myself, and I was willing to bet on me.

Knowing there was a huge wait list, it seemed chances were probably slim that I’d get in. And yet, I still kept those dates on my calendar, and I kept believing in the possibility.

Six days later, I got an email saying a spot opened and it was mine for the taking if I wanted it.

And all of a sudden it was really, really real. Twice now I had seemingly miraculous things happen opening up the opportunity for me to go. In my mind, it was now or never, and this time, I said yes. Not just to coaching, but to all of it.

I’m reflecting on this now because turns out, a little over a year later, I’m going through all this same drama on another level, in a different but similar circumstance.

I’m been through the training now. I’m a certified coach. I’m building my business. And I’m at the point now of putting myself out there more and more for paying clients.

And as I go to each next step, the same stuff comes up. The thought of “Will I be able to do this?” And the lingering fear of “What if I can’t do it?”

I have an income goal for my coaching business for this year. And yet, I’ve noticed I’ve been in the space of not believing it’s possible. Of believing that it is a “trade-off” for other things that are important to me.

Two coaching sessions in a row now, one of my coaches has pointed out how my brain keeps spitting out the “Ya, but…” sentences. SO fascinating.

Ya, I want [this], but…

Here’s the thing…the “ya, buts” mean we don’t really want what we say we want. We actually want something else more.

And there is nothing wrong with that. It’s just important to tell ourselves the truth about where we are and then really decide consciously if that actually is what we want or not.

Can we be really honest with ourselves here?

For me, I’ve been in this place of, “Ya, I want to make money as a life coach, but maybe I can’t really do that without losing control of my time.”

This is so fascinating to me as I write it out, because it seems so much less believable when I get it outside of my head. Ha!

But, I digress. The reason I am writing this for you today is because I want to share with you the reminder that has shifted everything for me, again, just as it did a little over a year ago.

And that is this:

When I focused on what I really want to create, I figure out the time.

So the work, then, is in really deciding what it is we want to create. In really believing that we can do it and that it is possible and that we can make it happen.

Let’s go back now to your goal.

Is it something you really want to create?

And, if you TRULY desired to make that goal happen and you believed it was possible…then what?

What thoughts would you focus on? And what kind of action would that inspire you to take?

Can you trust in your ability to figure the rest out?

What if it IS possible for you my friend?

What if?

💕 Deise


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