This isn’t working.
It’s never going to work.
What’s the point? (AKA, There’s no point.)
This is hopeless.
I can’t do this.
Do you ever have apathetic or hopeless feeling thoughts such as these when it comes to your current goals?
I sure have. And still do. And likely always will so long as I continue to grow and push myself to new levels.
I loved a recent coaching call I was on where one of my coaches, Brooke Castillo, coached a lady on dating and finding a mate.
The sweet woman being coached was having the sorts of thoughts listed above, and doubting that she would find someone.
Brooke pointed out that things are never working until the moment they are. That IS how it works. We are always failing until we are succeeding. Nothing has gone wrong just because we aren’t there YET.
It doesn’t mean we won’t get there.
Brooke shared an analogy related to this – the analogy of graduating high school (or college).
We spend a LOT of years in school before we finally graduate. And yet, most of us didn’t spend a lot of time during those years being worried about not graduating. We believed hard that it would happen. That it was as good as done and it was just a matter of time.
Similarly, when we fly somewhere, we don’t arrive in an instant. We aren’t at our destination until we are. When we are still en route, it doesn’t mean we aren’t going to arrive at our destination. It just means we aren’t there yet. And, interestingly, even if we have a layover or something that technically takes us farther away from where we want to go while on the journey, we still believe that we are on our way, that we’re getting closer to where we want to be, and that we’ll be there soon.
What if we chose to think this way about our goals, no matter what happened?
Getting to the airport, and waiting at the airport, riding on the plane for several hours, getting off the plane, collecting luggage, finding other transportation…it’s not all enjoyable or what we would choose, but it is all part of the journey to a new destination via plane. At no point in that process would we make it mean that we are not going to get to where we want to go, or that we are going to end up somewhere we didn’t intend to be.
Similarly, with our goals, even when we think we are failing or that things aren’t going the way we want them to, we could still choose to frame it as being part of the journey. Things that happen help us learn what we need to learn to get to where we want to be. It helps us move forward. Failure, too, can mean that we are on our way, that we’re getting closer to where we want to be, and that we’ll be there soon.
This is something I have to remind myself of CONSTANTLY it seems. Especially with building a business while being a mom to my littles. I care a lot about take the “AND” road.
I’m not choosing the road where I take care of myself OR I’m a good mom OR I’m an entrepreneur.
I’m choosing the road where I am thriving in all three. The road where I am creating my best life now instead of trading now for later.
I’m choosing the road where I take good care of myself AND I’m a great mom AND I’m a successful entrepreneur. And knowing that I get to define what all of that means for me.
My definition may be different than someone else’s. And that’s ok. In fact, it’s a beautiful thing. How amazing is it that we all have the power to create a life on our own terms, defined by what we deem to be most meaningful and important to us?
But I digress. 🙂 Here is where I like to direct my brain when I find it is in the apathetic / hopeless space described above…
Let’s just say that hypothetically I could give you a magic wand and you get to wave it and get exactly the results you want. No doubt. No confusion. No overwhelm. What would you do? What outcome would you choose?
And oh my goodness friends. This can bring me right back to clarity in an instant. Like, wow, if I really believed anything is possible, [THIS] would 100% be what I would go after.
And then, magically, I can find myself in this place of…
Maybe it’s possible.
Maybe I can do this.
And possibly even…
I am doing this.
I can make this happen.
This is exactly how I moved forward with some of the requirements in the Entrepreneur track I’m in with The Life Coach School. I was paralyzed to move forward for a few months earlier this year because I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to coach 5-10 people per week AND not fall into my old pattern where I stay up too late and sacrifice relationships that are important to me in the name of getting things done.
I realized in a consult call with another coach that I truly just wasn’t believing it was possible.
But, when she got me to consider the POSSIBILITY…instantly I was transformed in my own mind.
And, because I started believing in the possibility, I started making it possible.
So fascinating how that works.
Circumstances don’t have to change, and yet we can have an entirely different experience of them.
Are you currently is this apathetic or hopeless place?
What if you really believed you could do it? That the outcome was inevitable?
What if the only reason it’s not working is because you stopped working?
What if you CAN do it?
How would you show up differently than you are right now?